Obviously, a Jester would know… In ten easy steps.
How to look like a fool
Or at least a close enough resemblance for people to go “Oh my god! You look just like…” on the street.
This is what happened to me today, and I thought it was interesting enough to note down somewhere.
A true story
1) Wake up at 5 am with intent to get on web to check messages before 6 O’clock peak time and insane dial up prices and nagging parents. See pages load line by line. Gmail refuses to load. Then realize it’s a holiday, whole day off peak. Bang head on table.
2) Get ready to go to friends’ house, and walk out of the house with your earphone cable dangling about, making people look at you strangely. They think you’re some kind of terrorist, and I swear one guy looked as if he was going to yell “Duwapan! Muu Wire eka adinne yanne!!!”…
3) Get on a bus from the front, loose grip on the rail and nearly fall on top of the wrinkly old woman in the front seat. Get up abruptly and make motions to recover poise.
4) Give up and smile ridiculously to cover up your shame at being so clumsy, especially when you’re trying to portray the “Cool dude entering bus” moment.
5) Go sit at the back of the bus and smile nervously at the guy next to you.
6) Get off bus after brief ride to go get breakfast from someplace.
7) Eat a donut and a ham sandwich for breakfast.
8) Wait for bus. When it comes, stand next to it wondering whether to get on or not, owing to the slight crowd.
9) Get in at the last moment, bumping your head on the conductor’s arm over the doorway.
10) Thankfully, no one is staring at you for this latest act of clumsiness. Then you have to ruin it by yet again hurtling into a group of people when the infernal driver decides it’s time to play “Let’s see who’s not holding on to anything”, and slams the pedal.
After this point, the journey was more or less eventless, but I constantly felt like someone was sniggering at me behind my back, and each time I saw a group of teenagers(male or female) talking, I’d go paranoid about the gits talking about how I behave…