I’m changing my name. Blog name. And the theme and stuff. Later.
Archive for November, 2008
So I needed to get my hair cut. But unlike most of you who would spend enough to feed a small african family to cut off your hair, I’m much more… frugal about it. So off I went to the nearest “saloon”. Sit in the chair, “Wediya kota karanna epa”, I tell him, hoping I wouldn’t blind oncoming vehicles with the reflection off my skull on the way back.
He took out his shaving thingy, and swish, he stabbed it into my scalp. As he slowly pulled it away, I realized that I could see a bit more of my head than I’m used to. So I open my mouth to tell him to stop, but realized it wouldn’t do any good since then I’d just look like Dr. Frankenstein cut my hair. So, with a look much like you see on inmates’ faces when they are put to their first haircut at prison, I sat through it and let Mr. Sweeny Todd have his way with my hair.
So now I look like I went AWOL from the army.
Bleh, shit post.
The new AIDS campaign? It urges volunteers to wear t-shirts with ‘I am HIV positive’ on them. Of course, they mean that they… have a positive outlook towards HIV.
But be serious for a sec. I was laughing out loud when I finally realized what it is they meant. They’ll probably be stoned to death on the streets or mowed over by a truck.
And hey, don’t knock this post. This is raising awareness isn’t it?
Also, first post off mobile. God, that took forever to type…
Now your inbox can be sexy too! Look and be amazed!
Many are the times that the question of whether one of us could take on some wild animal and come out tops has been asked. I have here the answer. I was flipping through an old reader’s digest and came upon an article in which a man has to fight a wild cat to survive. And the best part is, he does it with nothing but his tiny pocket knife. That alone merits giving him a medal. I mean, look at those guys who go hunting for ducks. They go out there looking like Rambo to take down a flying chicken. I don’t know much about ducks, but I’m pretty sure you don’t need an arsenal the size of Sweden to take those bastards out.
Back to the story : The dude’s taking a leisurely walk in the hills somewhere and suddenly there’s this crazy wild cat walking towards him, acting all uppity. So he does the sensible thing and tries to back off slowly. But the cat’s in a bad mood today, so it decides to get all up in his face.
Our dude ain’t gonna take any of that lying down, so he pulls out his knife and stands at the ready to give the bobcat a good beating down. The cat lunges, and through some freak accident our hero drops his knife. So he wrestles around with the cat for a bit. He starts feeling around on the ground, looking for the knife, all while this cat is eating his head off. He gets it!
Since his head is likely inside the ev0l cat’s mouth, he blindly stabs the knife. But alas! He has stabbed his own other hand! Now, I’m sure he did this to make the fight a bit more interesting, but nonetheless… He gets the knife again. This time, he plunges it deep into the cat’s neck, drawing much blood. The cat goes all D: on him and starts thrashing around, letting go of him, and our victor rises up, to survey his kill.
Apparently he was receiving treatment for many months after.
So everyone, if you ever have to fight a wild animal, here is the bible to your barbaric journey. I mean polar bears and things are mean things. I even heard of a mad leet polar bear who could fly. You never know when you’re gonna run into one of em, say, camping in Sinharaja or something.
Have you checked out our little island on some satellite imaging service online? Anything will do, google maps, Live maps et al. The most striking thing is, we have lots of trees.
Just look at it. It looks uninhabited save for a few roads and large buildings. Highways are just silver streaks through a green ocean.
It’s cool though, this means we can pollute all we want and cut down many more trees till they start becoming scarce.
When the day eventually comes when the rest of the world is either dying of skin cancer or freezing to death, we in Sri Lanka will be happily lying under the shade of a nice big tree.
“And then suddenly, nothing happened”
So I’ve been tagged. And since I can’t really think of a proper “I’ve never” list, I shall compare my life to popular TV shows. I’m sure that’s what life’s supposed to be like.
So, much to my chagrin, I’ve never -
- Had a ridiculously hot nurse fuss over me. I was… exhilarated, to say the least, when I got appendicitis. Suffice to say, I was not a happy patient.
- Seen anyone’s evil/good twin show up after the death of said person. Beware, this assumption can get you into trouble.
- Turned into a [name of small mammal or insect]-man after being bitten by anything, radioactive or not. Being under my bed for that long would turn anything into a mutant super power-giving mini-super being. I have a hunch the hulk isn’t real.
- Choked on anything. Seriously. I mean, who chokes to death? Even my dog can cough it out.
- Had a laugh track in my life. This is really confusing. I expected raucous laughter whenever I made a funny, and yet, surprise surprise, nothing happened.
- Found that my friends always hang out at a particular place all the time. I tried walking into the coffee shop near where I work, and was greeted only by the strange old man at the corner table. If they were there yesterday, surely they should be there today too. Maybe they’ve gone to…work, or study.
- Never had this much fun
- Or felt this isolated at times.
Re: working, that is.
- Never had a post that didn’t have a single typo on first pasting. Till this one, that is.
A Life of Saturdays, to be exact. And I wind up with nothing.
Something’s wrong with the interwebs I tell you. “Leaving Town” is still occasionally sprinkled across the radio waves, yet his album does not grace the pages of the almighty ISOhunt.
Granted, This isn’t exactly legal, but still. One of the sites listed the album as having been seeded “So long ago”.