It keeps occurring to me that all this is just a face. A mask I put on in order to stick out in the crowd. I know, we all do it, but still. It just seems weird that I do all this just to be unique. I mean, the weird spurts in the middle of conversations, the stupid comparisons and the corny gags are all just fluff. People call me random, yet I shrug it off, saying I’m perfectly normal, because I think to be merely ‘random’ is… uncool. Ugh. So I vehemently deny being anything but a normal person, saying normal things. See, I think that sets me apart from all the other people claiming to be all ‘insanely random ramblers’. Yes I know my blog title has insane in it too. I just don’t want to be bunched with the people who lick railway tracks just because it ‘called out to them’.
I’m spontaneous dammit, not stupid.
But even I go for looking cool.
But what I’m getting at is, more or less the whole of me is just one face of who I really am. It’s like this paper mask. It has been formed by everything I’ve read, heard, played and seen. It’s a collage of everything that came into contact with me. And strictly controlled by what _I_ think is, again, ‘cool’. Which is sometimes confusing because my definition of cool changes pretty quick. Like Sabby once said, it’s hard to tell the difference between me and a fake
Not that I’m going for a goth-ish image or anything, just something different. As are all of us. Don’t deny it, don’t try to fight ittt just deal with it, it’s just part of [something]… Setting aside lyrics of an entire _song_ detailing how they don’t care, you all change how you are perceived by others all the time. Everyone wants to make a good impression. Even if it’s by pretending to not care about making a good impression. The word hypocrite can’t be used as an insult anymore because we all are anyway. It’s like calling a person human! But you know what? I like it this way. You all do it! You cannot possibly refuse that fact that you change for others, and any self-righteous ‘I-don’t-give-a-damn-about-the-world’ cows can shove it. I moderate comments with an iron fist! Ha!
You know the really weird thing? I think writing this post about being fake sets me apart and makes me less fake.
Even weirder is that writing that line gives me the impression that I’m that much cooler for it.
And so on and on it goes…
*making a new label; “wise-ass”