He’s in the trending topics on twitter, so thought I’d collect some of the one liners about him here.
Jesus once saw the face of Chuck Norris in a microwave burrito. He promptly sold it on eBay for $2500.
Chuck Norris has his own blood type.
Chuck Norris once roundhoused the moon
Chuck Norris let the dogs out.
Chuck norris can kill two stones with one bird.
Pluto became a dwarf planet because Chuck Norris bumped into it on his way back into our Solar System
Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can ice skate uphill.
Chuck Norris doesn’t need Twitter. He’s already following you.
Chuck Norris can blow bubbles with beef jerky.
Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
white star line never knew that the Titanic sank, because it crashed into Chuck Norris.
if you have $5 and chuck norris has $5, chuck norris has more money than you
Chuck Norris just won a stage of the Tour de France….. without a bike!
Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.
Chuck Norris’s Twitter is chucknorris.com/twitter
Chuck Norris doesn’t churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
Chuck Norris doesn’t sleep, he waits
Chuck Norris killed michael jackson
There are no such things as tornado’s. Chuck Norris just hates trailer parks. awesome!
Jesus can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can swim through land
Chuck Norris had both legs cut off in a car accident. He picked up his car and walked home.
The truth will set you free. Unless Chuck Norris has you, in which case, forget it buddy!
According to Einstein’s theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.
I’ve heard that Chuck Norris counted to infinity… twice.
A handicapped parking sign is a warning that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and you’ll be handicapped if you park there.
lesbians are just straight women who haven’t seen Chuck Norris yet
Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave , b/c revenge is a dish best served cold.
Only Chuck Norris can prevent forest fires.
Weapons doesn’t kill people. Chuck Norris kills people.
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live
Chuck Norris can watch “60 minutes” in 20 minutes
Chuck Norris drives Optimus Prime to work
Everybody loves Raymond. Except Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris is the reason babies cry at birth…
Chuck Norris can chuck more wood than a wood chuck can chuck.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris draws a triangle, A^2 + B^2 = C^3.
When Chuck Norris wants an egg, he cracks open a chicken
Chuck Norris turned wine back into water…. cause he felt like it.
People created the automobile to escape from Chuck Norris…Not to be outdone, Chuck Norris created the automobile accident.
Chuck Norris dosent do push ups…he pushes the world down
Chuck Norris‘s cowboy boots are made of real cowboys.
Chuck Norris protects area51
They say curiosity killed the cat. This is false. Chuck Norris killed the cat. Every single one of them.
We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris never goes to the dentist because his teeth are unbreakable. His enemies never go to the dentist because they have no teeth.
The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door
Chuck Norris has to use a stunt double when he does crying scenes.
Barrack Obama asked Chuck Norris‘s permission before becoming the US President.
Chuck norris dosnt belive in god,god belives in chuck norris
Chuck Norris is every one of Jay Z’s 99 problems
Superman wears Chuck Norris underpants.
Michael Jackson knew that Chuck Norris was really Billie Jean’s baby daddy.
chuck norris doesnt read a book. He stares it down till he gets the information he wants
google was created the day chuck norris wanted to find something on the internet
If, by some incredible space-time paradox, Chuck Norris would ever fight himself, he’d win. Period.
Chuck Norris was abducted by aliens, and he ended up probing them
It has been said that you will die for Chuck Norris‘ sins….
Chuck Norris was the first black man on the Moon.
Chuck Norris doesn’t step on toes. Chuck Norris steps on necks.
Chuck Norris was actually Martin Luther King Jr’s dream
Chuck Norris had to stop washing his clothes in the ocean. The tsunamis were killing people.
Chuck Norris don’t open no can of whoopass. He makes his own.
There you are folks. New ones popping up all the time, just search twitter for Chuck Norris.