13
Nov
09

I Faced Batman At My Job Interview

I’m bored these days. Sitting at home leading my tremendously eventful life is, quite unbelievably, tedious. So I thought I’d jot down the tale of how I encountered the batman at my first and last job interview to date.

I pay and get out of the three wheeler I use to get to the address in Kolpetty. It’s 9:55am on a sunny September day. The sun feels like a dog that has had too much chili to eat licking my face. I hurriedly scamper up the stairs to the office on the second floor and look around. Two people. They look at me. I stare back.

We stare at each other.

I squint. Two males, one in office wear, the other casual. Reception?

“sup?”

“Uh, I’m here to meet a man about a fish. Uh… a job- an interview. Designer thing….?” I eloquently orate.

“Oh. Wait a minute please”

With that the dude in office wear picks up the phone on his desk and speaks into it.

I do not hear what he says for I am now staring into a black curtain that has suddenly dropped down in front of my face.

I push it aside, to be confronted with a mess of sharp looking black metal things.

Before I can say out loud that their boiler seems to have crashed down through the ceiling, a deep, throaty voice goes “I’m here for the job. Give it to me.”

My senses tingling, I compute that I have competition. From a big black… thing. I step around the object and find myself staring upwards at a face covered by half a mask, a strange looking vest, fetish for black and a cape. I had this round clenched. All the clues led to only one conclusion.

“The opera business not paying enough for you to carry out your evil DESIGNS?”

Then I took out a pair of Ray-Bans and dramatically put them on while staring into the middle distance.

“Your picture’s been cropped, Phantom.”

And then,

“Of the Opera.”

Then I proceeded to take off the shades and remove my glasses, and then put the shades back on again. This was done discreetly, aside.

While I waited for the masked genius murderer cum composer to wallow in shame and go home a broken man, someone ushered him into a door to my left saying “Step this way please, Batman”.

He then gave me a look which said “You have made a great fox pass and now you will pay for it by living a life of shame if you ever get chosen to work here, infidel! Do you not know who Batman is? Also, would you prefer tea or coffee?”

I flexed my eyebrows, signaling tea. Then I followed them in and was greeted by smoke. Someone who looked like the boss was telling everyone to calm down. I went up to him, and noticed b-man sidling up next to me looking a little sheepish. Which is hard to do when your face is half covered in a mask. “I don’t work well in daylight, or in ‘Natural Sun’-themed office lighting fixtures”.

I looked at the boss. He seemed displeased. I was confident I had made a better first impression.

Then we sat down and it turned out we were both being interviewed at the same time.

Boss: So, I see from your resumes that neither of you has much experience in 3D modeling or graphic design professionally.

Me: Yes, It’s just a hobby of mine. But I’m quite confident of my ability to keep up with any work.

Batman: I can make your psd files fear the night. *cloak self with cloak in swift movement*

Boss: Okay then… So where do you see yourself in a yeAARRGHHH! What are you doing?!

Batman: Just cleaning my batarang…?

Boss: No, not you, HIM! *points at me*

Me: Eh? Can’t a guy pick his nose without being ostracized? It’s a free country dammit.

Boss: Employees of this organization maintain proper manners and discipline at all times.

Batman: I’m quite disciplined, if I say so myself. I can stay perfectly still in the middle of a blizzard wearing only minimal clothing and at the same time do calculus equations in my head. I can survive in an arctic wasteland populated by snow eating hippies for an indefinite period.

Me: I’m sure that’s a great skill to have for a DESIGNER.

Boss: Yeah… I’m not sure we’re ready to expand to Canada…

Batman: Don’t you have dreams? Do you not wish to eradicate all crime?

Boss: We’re…in… the services industry… But anyway. What would you say is your greatest weakness?

Me: I’m a perfectionist. I keep changing things in my designs every time I open them.

Boss: Very good answer, what about you, Mr. Man?

Batman: The name’s Batman. No last name. Remember that.

Boss: uhhhhh

Batman: I have no weakness. Weakness is for other people. It is for the people who I hunt. In the night. For I am the knight of the dark. The Dark Knight.

Boss: Okay. Right. Moving on, what can you bring to this company?

Batman: This company doesn’t deserve a designer. Where’s my dramatic music?! You deserve nothing! But I will still fight for you and give you what you deserve! Which is nothing! But I know what you deserve and will make it my mission to make sure all your text objects are turned to curves! And you will get what you deserve because you deserve more…than you get…from what you deserve me. Eh.

Me: I’ve got lots of hours under my belt working with relevant software. I’m a people person.

Boss: Are you a people person, Batman?

Batman: I have a great working relationship with most people. They’re afraid of me. I also have thirty two methods to kill you under MY belt. Hah!

***Hours pass, batarangs are thrown and more smoke is let loose***

Boss: Hello again you two. I’ve made my choice and I think I’m going to play it safe and go with Jerry here.

Me: Why thank you, I can assu-

*Enter Robin *

Robin: Yo Jerry, I’m really happy for you, I’ma let you finish, but Batman has one of the best typography skillsets of all time!

Boss: My decision is final.

*Boss shoots Robin with shotgun hidden under his desk.

*Batman rushes over to Robin

“Oh god no! What will I ever tell his parents?! Why does it always have to be the innocent bystanders! This mask makes it impossible for my tears to escape!”

*Boss calls security, drags wailing Batman out.

*Batman sobs hysterically outside.

Boss: I guess I’ll see you on Monday then!

Me: Why yes, thank you!

***I am shaken awake***

“Gerald Pereira?”

“Yeah?”

“Come on in for your interview. Great first impression, looser.”

*groan*


25 Responses to “I Faced Batman At My Job Interview”


  1. November 13, 2009 at 9:08 am

    Ado, brilliant! Loved the part where Robin comes in… :D

    You could have included something where Batman says ‘I’m whatever this company needs me to be’

  2. November 13, 2009 at 9:27 am

    What the hell is a “batarang??? 0_0

    LOL. @ Batman & his extraggeration . :P

  3. 3 Chavie
    November 13, 2009 at 9:43 am

    HAHAHAHAHAHA brilliant man! :D

  4. November 13, 2009 at 9:54 am

    possibly your best post ever
    or at least somewhere up there
    was this Batman… GEHAN!? :p

  5. 5 Chathura W
    November 13, 2009 at 9:55 am

    Hahahaha… Brilliant post man. =))

  6. November 13, 2009 at 10:08 am

    Haha wicked post! :D
    Nightwing (The first Robin) will avenge Batman and Robin! Watch where you step, Geraldine…

  7. 7 Delilah
    November 13, 2009 at 10:16 am

    lol. Geraldine. funneh.

  8. 8 Whacko
    November 13, 2009 at 10:23 am

    lmao! been a while since i read some laugh out loud stuff.

  9. November 13, 2009 at 10:29 am

    batman is awesome.

    ’nuff said.
    :D great first impression indeed…. lol… good stuff jerry!

  10. November 13, 2009 at 12:50 pm

    :D Berry Berry Berry. Whatever would the corporate industry do without u!

  11. November 13, 2009 at 1:10 pm

    ROFLMAO

    This tedious life seems to suit your writing :D

  12. November 13, 2009 at 2:01 pm

    I can’t believe Batman wasn’t offered the job…

    Is your boss J. Nicholson by any chance?

  13. November 13, 2009 at 2:21 pm

    LOL !!! Now I got something to remember next time I go for an Interview :D Wicked Post Mate..Loved it .. :D

  14. 14 TSC
    November 13, 2009 at 3:12 pm

    Hey I love this !! =) keep it up!

  15. November 13, 2009 at 7:22 pm

    Hilarious! wish my job interviews were equally entertaining!

  16. November 13, 2009 at 8:21 pm

    Brilliant! Lovely job Jerry.

  17. 17 sabbyaz
    November 14, 2009 at 9:54 am

    LOL!
    This was seriously funny, Jelly Belly :P

  18. November 15, 2009 at 12:17 pm

    woot! good one hahah :D

  19. 19 hijinx
    November 16, 2009 at 3:57 pm

    Poor Batman!

  20. November 16, 2009 at 9:17 pm

    I was slightly bewildered through most of it! Funny bewildered though! :|

  21. November 20, 2009 at 10:25 am

    @all
    Thank you, enjoyed writing it :)

  22. November 20, 2009 at 6:49 pm

    Id kill for that job :P good work jerry!

  23. December 17, 2009 at 11:13 am

    this is fracking hilarious. hahahha good post.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s




Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 868 other followers

%d bloggers like this: