Archive for the 'Christmas' Category


Christmas & Club-Noir

First of all, Merry Christmas everyone! Hope you find the time to reflect on things in the middle of your wasteful frenzy of purchasing. If you did, good going :)

The end of the year brings many things to many people. Presents, Resolutions, New Beginnings, Hope, Good Cheer and a lot of other things, like Herpes, being foremost on the list of things people get, whether they want it or not. One thing everyone gets around to eventually is parties. Well, most people. My social networking inbox was inundated by notices of parties ranging from beaches to back yards and it has been the highlight of my day today gleefully individually deleting them.

I’m not that big on clubbing. Let me rephrase; I would rather have my legs run over by a herd of hippos and then stand on the footboard of a local bus, than go dance at some party. Back when I was in school it was the “in-thing” to go clubbing and we were giddy as little boys clutching t-rexes under the Christmas tree when we found a place that would let us in. Now that I’m significantly older and smarte- After spending many nights with the following scene playing itself out, I kinda grew out of it.

We stepped into the establishment. People called it a night club, but I call it trouble. Losing sight of my companions in the crowd, I head to the bar. The surface looks old, it’s seen its share of skinny teenagers slamming their fists down on it, droplets of their hair product slowly arching towards the bartender with his back turned towards them as they nod their heads to music that would make a mob-boss scowl. Unthinkingly, I bring my glass to my maw, and take a sip. It feels like I was hit in the gut by a baseball bat. Like ol’ Billy had me tied to a chair and was trying to get a girl’s number outta me.

After a while I make my way to the dance floor, just drunk enough to not care. Thirty minutes later I’m left wondering if I should have just stayed home. Home was bed. It wasn’t a good bed, but it was better than my bones feeling like it was hit by the 9:15 to Chicago. I tipped my hat at the rest, and stepped out into the alley. The stones crunched under my feet like the teeth of a loan shark’s ex-customer. I lit my cigar. It started raining. The city fell into gloom once more.

It’s just that I really suck at dancing. Dancing creepily by myself in my room with music playing in my head is fine, I like Just Dance(Gaga) as much as the next guy, but on a dance floor, it’s a battle between my brain and my limbs. I mean, I can stay relatively vertical while standing in a bus that’s seemingly been driven by an Epileptic wearing a disco light ball for a helmet but on the floor, my body decides to make like a Possum and play dead. It would help if there were a least a few members of the opposite sex who were even remotely the same age. Online polls indicate that 90% of teen girls sneak into clubs. The other 10% are actually girls methinks*.

Sometimes I go along with people anyway. I give in to peer pressure easily like that, and just do my own thing and hope people aren’t running away screaming in two minutes. If they aren’t, rejoice, for the rest of the people on the floor are just as bad. I’m still not sure what this 31st will bring, maybe I can escape to some hill in Badulla and watch the sunrise with Now We Are Free playing in my ears. I don’t know.

*statistics pulled out of that place where most people tour their stats from.


Do I Write or do I Write?

In an ideal world, that title would have emphasis in the right place. Sadly, I will have to keep eying those words up there warily while willing italics into existence.

So, do I write or do I Write? This was the terrible question tearing away at my mind last Saturday eve. Do I just write in the sense that people write grocery lists and ransom notes, or do I actually “write” write, in the way that people who do it for a living do?

This bout of more thought than I like being put into something inconsequential was brought on by a TNL Radio… dude, asking me if I can’t write, whether I failed my English, and if I suck at writing when I was less than enthusiastic about filling out a form that was being distributed at the lobby at Majestic City on Saturday night. I’m sure that experiment in “Aggressive Marketing” has a bright future in public relations.

In other news, Christmas is coming again. I’m starting to dread it because I will be broke by then and won’t be able to bribe Santa into throwing a few presents this way. I don’t even feel like jotting down my usual Christmastime post or even the whiny post about how it doesn’t feel like Christmas. Troubling times, these are. My parents think I’m crazy because I sit in front of the computer laughing at it. Then I switch it on and come here to write down a post and link to it on twitter. It’s so cold out that I grew a beard to combat it, but shaved it off when I started feeling chain-mail on my chin whenever I rested it on my pillow. To top it off I’m not getting tagged in any Christmas pics on Facebook. If it weren’t for the Penguins of Madagascar life would be quite dull these days.



Recently watched “Who Turned the Lights Off?”, another FT from BeyondBorders in association with the Roteract Club of… Some place. It was pretty great. They might perform it again so keep your eyes open of you missed it. Even better than the play was a certain Mr. Kotalawela dancing to…

wait for itt…

Justin Beiber

when we went out after the play. I apologize for not taking pictures.


A Christmas Tale

It’s Christmas again, and I am forced to crawl back from my blogging hiatus, imposed partly by limited access to the internet and partly by general laziness.

This year’s Christmas looks to be the tamest in quite a while for me. There’s just more cake than the rest of the year floating around.

Christmas, as the years passed

I can’t even write a proper post. That’s how bad this season is. I just can’t think of anything. It’s as if some weird parasite has been sucking out all my energy.

So instead, I will leave you with a Christmas tale of woe, misery and also some hope.

There was once (and still is) a young man of 20. He lived in the magical land or Sri Lanka, and was, at the moment, just sitting around at home most days since he was unemployed. Education took only weekends and he had plenty of time to just relax and do whatever he pleased.

But one day, suddenly, his mother said to him “Christmas is coming, you better get ready to clean the house!”

“It’s still quite a long way away; it won’t get here so fast that I won’t notice it creeping up on me.”

It did.

And so, two days before Christmas day our hero sat, trying to type write a letter to send to all his friends, because he was nice like that and liked to…write letters to his friends. But alas! His mother again said to him “Venture outside the house, and what do you see? There is a wild bush growing just outside the gates! Take this blade, and slaughter it for me, for I do not wish our home to be ridiculed by the neighbors!”

“Mmmffrrprglll”, he replied, engrossed in his letter.

“You are but a good for nothing spick of a lad, do you know? Your brother would have done what I bade him”

“Then why not ask my sibling to carry out the cleaning?”

“He has work.”

“He is but playing ‘Dragon Age’ over by yonder abacus, mother!”

“Quiet, youngling! You will go clean out the weeds by the gate, or else!”

“But why must Christmas be full of this cleaning business and you yelling at me to do things?”

“Because that’s what we do for Christmas”

“Yell at me?”

“Nay, fool boy. We clean our house so that visitors think it’s clean all year round.”

“But is Christmas not a celebration of the birth of Jesus? Would he not rather you cleaned someone else’s abode?”

“Don’t try to get smart with me boy; you do what you are told”

“But Jesus was born in a filthy farmstead!”

“But you aren’t Jesus are you? You are welcome to go live in the shed outside, but as long as you live in my house and you don’t find gainful employment to keep you away from home this season, you clean it”

“What would Jesus do?”

“Clean it.”

And so the young man ventured out the door of his home, stood around for a few minutes till his mother scurried off somewhere else, then strolled back in the same door, and sat.

He then continued to sneak into the kitchen, steal some cake and run out the back door, not stopping till he reached the house of a nearby friend, who happened to be of a different religion and did not have to go through the cleaning ritual.

Merry Christmas Everyone!


It’s the 31st!

And I’m at work.

The first should always fall on a weekend. Now it’s going to flash by just like this Christmas did. This year’s Christmas was a total bore. The only difference was that there was a lot more to eat. But other than that, it felt just like any other day. I’m pretty sure there was supposed to be something about a dude being born in a crib somewhere, and I think MTV is involved. And three dudes who were rich. Or kings. They gave the newborn some valuables so they could evade the IRS. Or something. I’m pretty sure none of that happened last week.

Anyway, Happy New Year all!


Also, read this by Jack Point. Makes you think about all those reports you hear in the news, like “Minor explosion in Jerusalem, one flower pot knocked over and two dogs scared. 300 palestinians die in retaliatory missile attacks.”


Merry Christmas + Wallpaper!

Whoa! It’s Christmas! And this is my *fifth* Christmas post! What with all this stuff supposedly going on in my life you’d think I have better things to do than post on a blog all week. What is this “work” thing I’ve gotten myself into, you ask? I seem to be spending all my time with it you say? It’s starting to sound like some weird cult? :o What? What have my parents go to say about my dedicating so much to this “work” thing?

Well anyway, since I won’t be posting again this season, Merry Christmas to everyone! Here’s a chrismassy wallpaper(1440×900), in case you get a toilet brush or something in your stocking.

Full size -


Signs of the times

Yet another sign of the merry-ness of this season is the steady shift of torrent traffic from predominantly porn to Christmas songs. Speaking of, there are some pretty good albums and custom compilations going around these days. I myself downl-… bought a four CD set of merry tunes for this year. Hopefully the more mellow tones of choirs and the soothing voices of various female performers as they whisper ‘White Christmas’ will save my fingers from any more damage, brought on by my previous playlist of three albums of Disturbed. I just couldn’t stop myself from drumming my fingers onto whatever happened to be close. That and there has been many a fierce battle between me and my keyboard in the course of playing ‘Racedriver : GRID’.

That brings me to my next point(!), which is – Play Racedriver GRID. It looks bloody brilliant, and is guaranteed to be more fun than… something very funny. But stay away if you prefer the more arcade-ish environments of Need for Speed. This one has a much grittier feeling to it. The developers, Codemasters, are the same guys who made the Colin McRae series. And I assume their marketing engine is crap. If they had to advertise McDonalds, they’d have a motto like “Sliced Cow with Vegetables”, and as I read somewhere, KFC would be “Warm Dead Bird”. They should’ve just stuck a little label on all the NFS:Undercover boxes saying “Don’t like this game? Thought so. But THIS instead – [pic]“.

This post was in draft for two days, and as I finish this up, I’m sick again. Not just a common cold either. I’m pretty sure it’s the Bubonic Plague. Let’s see…. “Ring round the rosies(?), pocket full of posies, we all fall down….”

Or it could just be a fever.



I was tagged by Blacklight Existence and so here’s the post. Right after this render of an idea I stole from a Calvin & Hobbes strip. Original is here.

This year has been weird. Life has been, as they say, a rollercoaster. That’s if you’ve been on one in which you keep heading down, and down, all the while screaming at the top of your lungs that you don’t wanna grow up. List follows – 
- Read less books – I only read a handful of them this year. Switched to reading stuff off the internet.
- Got a job – Coolness.
- Left school – Meh-ness.
- Learned stuff – From ActionScript to local roads, life is an open instruction manual.
- Met people – A few, but they were… okay.
- Changed – I thought I’d never change.
That is all I did the whole of this past year. All the little things seem pretty insignificant. All in all, 2008’s been a rough ride. But it’s smoothing out now.
Before I forget, listen to “Christmastime” by Aimee Mann. It’s an old song but a nice one. 

What I do

So I sit here, coughing my brains out*, with this cold bug that seems to have snuck up on everyone.
Last Saturday was my First Event. Well, the first one for which I did a lot of work. It was a Christmas party for a bank. It was fun. See, I work for an event management company(mostly). When clients(fancy talk for customers) come to us for help in setting up events, we provide them with a set of different themes to choose from and every little extra that can be fitted in with the budget that they propose. So in essence, all they have to do is ask, and we provide everything from stage design to ambient decor. And we provide a preview of what it’ll all look like, which is what I do(mostly).
So come event day, we go over there and see that everything gets set up right, that the sound and lights are working, the snow machines at the ready and that the dragons are ready and fed(There are many things that the layman doesn’t know about the field of event management).
Then when everything’s done, the clients will pat themselves on the back commending each other for a job well done.
Oh well, atleast we get the food. Strawberries + Chocolate = mmmmm…..
Christmas is coming up! That means it’s time for you to go to church for the second time this year! Unless you’re not catholic or christian or any of the other billion or so religions spawned around Jesus. Or Islamic. No gifts for you then. Go cry in a corner.
Also note that this layout is under constant change now. Presently I have changed the header font to “Arial African American”. More change will follow.
*Zombies, take note that I have a shotgun

How To Get What You Want This Christmas

People like lists. So here’s a list of things to do to get what you want this Christmas.

1) Be good. This goes without saying, but most people ignore it. This can be a fatal mistake. Being good makes people think “Hey, there’s a nice guy, I think I shall buy him something this December”. Don’t be mislead by the “Sugar and spice and everything nice” line. Sugar is not nice, trust me. And the last time I used spices on anyone they sued me for assault.

2) Remind people. Use any medium possible. But be subtle. A bad message would be “Hello All. Christmas is coming up. Last year, I got many warm greetings and good wishes. Now I have enough to last a lifetime. Send cash or goods, you cheap bastards. Merry Christmas!” A better way to convey that message would be to send a gentle reminder that Christmas is approaching, and hint that you might have something for them. “Hi x! The merriest time of the year is afoot! Santa might have some space in his bag for [thing that friend has been eying] this year. *wink” This does not mean that you must deliver on it. If the friend is brash enough to ask, you can merely brush it off with “You still believe in Santa? Ho Ho Ho biarch!” Hopefully this will be AFTER your chosen friend has gifted you something and you are busily unwrapping it.

3) Do not spread the joy to people that some would dislike. So your holiday greeting card should read “May your days be merry and filled with joy! …Except for Gehan, he’s a bitch” (Just kidding buddy, I’m just bitter I have to go through Christmas looking like a douche :D )

4) Go caroling. Sing Christmas songs. “White Christmas” has much use beyond being racist propaganda. It can be used to trick many an old lady into thinking you are a mere 11 year old. And don’t be mislead. Old people have huge stockpiles of useful things. If all else fails, you can just take their pills and sell them on the black market. Pressure and Cholesterol pills are pretty expensive. Just make sure to label them “v-i-a-g-r-a”.

5) This should only be done if everything else turns out to be worthless. Steal from Santa. How hard could it be? Big fat man, plus, he’ll be stuck in your chimney. But wait. If you have a chimney, here in Sri Lanka you’re probably some rich twat. So no, wait for Santa to break in through a window. Keep a cricket bat handy.


Not a Resolutions Post!

People make New Year’s resolutions, and then don’t stick to them. So, instead of that, I’m going to post a few things that annoy me. I shall do my best to abolish these things, and hence make myself happy and in the process, make myself more pleasant to the outside world, which should hopefully make up for not having any resolutions.

That’ll also help me make up fake resolutions for when people insist.


1) Walking into a spider’s web in the morning-

This happens when you’ve just set foot out of the house. These webs, produced by the less mentally gifted of the eight legged insects, hang in wait for you in places like the front door frame, the gap between a car and a pillar, or even a wall and a drooping tree branch. It’s extremely annoying when you’ve just cleaned up and set out towards the new day and you have this invisible net all over your face and hair. After you’ve managed to get rid of the infernal web from hell, you end up looking exactly the way you woke up, which would be okay if everyone lived in a movie, but, as my shrink said, that’s not so.

2) People throwing maxims at you -

Early to bed & Early to rise, Makes a man Healthy, Wealthy & Wise

As if it were any object to a boy to be healthy, wealthy and wise on those terms. It is sayings such as these that pull down a sprouting individual, and makes him lose all hope of ever measuring up to anything. What with people praising various idols and exalting their kids to be like them, not realizing that these “idols” were really vicious. Take for example the author of the line above, B Franklin. In order to fly his kite out on Sundays, he’d hang a key on it and say he was “fishing for lightning”, and the people would go about praising the “great wisdom” of the sabbath breaker. What parents don’t realize is that studying till morning, then waking up at an inhuman hour and doing things like peddling your own poetry are the signs of genius, not the cause of it. If they did, there would be so many more little Einsteins and Darwins. And I would have earned my first million by 16, yet here I am.

3) Made for TV Christmas movies -

These pieces of coal that flow out of the studios along with the rest of the gems and assorted rocks, seem to want to somehow bludgeon the viewer into the Christmas spirit with an arsenal of bad acting and directing. The way these weapons are yielded could very well scare an audience into submission, and want to pray to god to make it stop. And what better way for a non-believer to start than by celebrating the birthday of the very one he is about to appeal to for help?

That’s all that comes to mind right now, but there’s plenty more, obviously…

May the New Year bring you New Joy!

I thought that up myself. That has to count for something extra. You owe me a New Year’s gift.


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