Archive for the 'imagining' Category

06
Jul
10

My Mind is a Sneaky Bastard

People’s minds are usually on their side. Usually. Then there are times when they go blank at exam time or recite your secret fetish for networking cable for all and sundry to hear while you sleep.

This morning, in my sleep, I was happily marking down everyone’s birthdays on my calendar when I was rudely woken up by my phone alarm. Wait, who am I kidding? I wouldn’t mark down other people’s birthdays in anybody’s dreams.

So yeah, I was happily contemplating the meaning of life and why we choose to stay alive with Enya playing in the background when I was woken up by my alarm. Rudely. So I sleepily drag the phone over to me and try to look at the screen. Just as I’m about to press “Snooze” and try to wake up, I see another option on the screen.

“Feeling sleepy?” it queried. I clicked it. It switched to another screen and told me in impossibly tiny text which I don’t know how I could have been fooled into thinking I was reading, that “Rapid sentence reading can cause brain functions to laugh and wake up”. I was sold!

So I’m shown a few screens of well, text. I can’t really recall what was in it, but the gist of it was uh… text.

Then a few minutes into this, I am woken up again and find my phone lying next to my head. I was not amused. The alarm! It had the gall to tamper with the alarm, putting me back to sleep. The little sort of beautiful, not quite insane git. I have decided to punish it by imagining what would go through the mind of someone with a network cable fetish.

————————————————

Edit: Somehow I forgot to mention the crucial bit about me being asleep while all this happened. Updated :S

18
Feb
09

Chapter 2 : Contact

Continued form here

——————–

Youdickhead! Its moving! Ohnoohnoohnooo Professor Gunasinghe is gonnakillme’!

‘Sir, its reaching for the wormhole!! what do i do sir? sir? SIR!!…..fuck.’

Greenwilly Jayasinghe froze as he saw their, at best, sadistic project mentor entering their little hastily slapped together control room. Greenwilly, Will to his friends, was not by any stretch of the imagination a quick thinking man. How he got into this whole business of littering the universe full of newly created wormholes, nobody knows. On the other hand, his superior, Bluetits, known to his friends as just Blue, was quite capable of dodging even the stickiest of situations.

After a few seconds Blue noticed that his not-too-bright charge had nearly stopped breathing. He turned around to see the considerable frame of Professor Gunasinghe breathing down her nose at him. She was the type of person who would assign you the task of calculating Pi to the millionth digit, with a calculator,if you so much as looked at her wrong. But at the moment, Blue had bigger things to worry about than starting at her rudely.

‘What’s wrong you! Men, always standing around! What is that!’ she screeched, seeing the infra-red video stream of our friend the hothead. Blue cast around for explanations and finally ended up with ‘It’s a videogame we’re testing, ma’am. Just to uh… see if the… ROP’s perform right when configured this way.’

‘Hmph…. well… get back to work then! Lazy little…..’

‘Whoa, that was close…’ Blue said as she drifted off to spread her vile self on someone else.

‘Uh… Sir, I think you should-‘

The hothead had by now moved right next to the wormhole. Now, wormholes are strange things. Even they themselves didn’t understand wormholes properly. Each time they had created one in the past, anything they’d tried to bring through it had turned to ashes and little lumps of diamond at this end. They assumed the wormhole was pulling through a great deal more space and matter than they wanted it to, hence creating an unpleasant environment for safe travel. The first primitive species they’d encountered had even used their multi-billion dollar experiment as a convenient waste disposal unit that had popped into existence.

As hothead started slowly moving into it, Blue waited for the CCCRRRRRSSHSHHHHH sound that would signal the need for yet another clean-up of the ‘Landing Room’, the place where everything significant from the wormhole popped into existence. They’d figured out how to get rid of the useless bits like dust and female aliens along the way. In essence, they were littering along hyperspace.

Hothead tentatively stuck a limb into the strange swirling mass of light and dust, and was promptly sucked into it with a little ‘plop’ noise. A few seconds later and a few thousand light years away, it blinked. Cold.

Meanwhile, Blue and Willy were getting ready to shut down when their local AI alerted them to the presence of _something_ in the Landing Room. Blue stopped mid-sentence and stared at the screen which was displaying a strange looking thing that looked like a cross between a teapot and a dildo.

‘W- We’d better go get to it before her highness finds out, mate’ said Blue.

‘You think she’ll actually try t-‘ queried Willy.

‘No, you idiot. jeez…’

So off they went to the Landing Room, wondering how in the world it had survived. The only possible explanation was that the creature actually _lived_ in such environments. But then it would surely die when exposed to the local atmosphere. He ran faster.

‘Entrance to the Landing Room has been restricted to personnel with multi-suits, as inner atmosphere has been adjusted to suit it’s sole inhabitant.’ chimed the AI.

‘Well, there’s that question answered…’

He pressed the comm link button on the door. Willy slowly moved behind him.

‘Booo’ Blue said

What they heard struck fear into their hearts like neither had ever experienced.

‘lol lol diS is so aWeSomEE’

—————————–

On to MyP

Sorry if it’s not what you expected, just wanted to maintain some sameness to it, instead of wildly going all over the place.

Stay tuned for Lies 4.0 : The Beach

16
Jan
09

So I was thinking….

Something Mr. Darkside said on my last post got me thinking. “How can anyone with a job be so jobless?” he asked. Someone _might_ also have said “lol lol hehe my pink shorts are so fabulous!”, but I digress. I don’t know. About 99% of my posts are made during work. Which is puzzling, since I go through a regular stream of projects each day. Seriously, you should ‘av seen the chicks clawing each other to get to me when I told them about my leet mesh modeling skillz.

Either way, the variables which affect post frequency from bloggers is a mystery to me, of the same sort as why women dig musicians. I mean, really, come on. Is it the instrument? Like some extension of their masculinity, much like a large pistol? If anything, wind instrument players should technically be more attractive to gay males. Some of my friends are in bands, some just play piano or drums for fun, I even met a friend the other day who was on his way to guitar classes. I play my walkman. It puts out ALL those instruments, fools. Is it the personality? Hell no, Me > emo singer, and minus the pansy arsed guitar swinging and stuff.

And to get back from that topic deviation… I post whatever comes to mind as I work. Maybe the rest of you have jobs with about as much excitement as an undertaker’s office, but you can’t all be like that, surely? I guess it just comes down to whether you really WANT to post something. Losing interest is probably it.

Well anyway, I’m feeling all giggly now because I’m covered in glitter. Yes yes, bring on the faggotry quips, you office drones, it’s a long story. Also, Heroes season 3 has a sort of happy ending! yays. Now on to HIMYM se04.

***Now Playing***
Extraction and installation of Dead Space. God, it takes forever.

29
Dec
08

The new year is a knockin’

So 2009 is at our doorstep. Actually, in our doorway and asking to be let in. So this year has been weird. And to sum it up, I’m going to pour out the contents of my “Notes” folder on my phone. It’s not really a summary of my actions per se, but more like what was going through my head. Most of them make no sense as single sentences, but are the essence of an idea. I’ll expand them so that they can be read.

I’ll ignore the fact that most of it was written in the last three months. Also the fact that this is going to be by far my most disjointed post.

- Losing your glasses is like living in a dream. It’s all literally just a blur for a while. Thankfully I’m not too handicapped by it. After a while I got used to it.

- As technology progresses, we go from smart people in front of dumb terminals to dumb people in front of smart terminals.

- Master Chief is only a letter away from Master Chef. Halo anyone?

- KFC! The only thing missing is U!

- If I were stuck on some deserted island for eternity, I would make a girl out of coconuts. Even though it is highly likely she’ll want to be ‘just friends’.

- Everyone needs goals. Even if they’re goals such as “I’m gonna eat that ice cream if it kills me”.

- People who go “people suck/change/’shouldn’t be trusted'” suck. People means you too. Besides, acting like every person you meet is an axe murderer is just lame. I usually ask people and they say no, they haven’t murdered any axes recently. But I guess it would bode well for me only if I was an axe. All that from the note “emo, axe murderer”.

- And then there’s this note for which I can’t remember the explanation. “Making things is progress, boring. Life withoutu conflict is teh goal”. I dunno. Maybe I tend to go all existential on my phone’s ass when I’m half asleep.

Well, there.

22
May
08

The untitled post!

…………………..

More and more it seems like there is absolutely nothing to write about here. Oh, and all you morons who are shouting “Then Don’t!” can go hump a sofa.

Life is just too uneventful these days. Sure, I hear people say stupid things, things that strike you with the same effect as one day wandering into your garage and finding your parents are spandex clad superheroes, just about to depart on a mission. And yet I can find nothing of substance to write in here. And the fact that my classmates now find it amusing to occasionally visit here and remind me of all I’ve written doesn’t help either. Anyone still anonymous and considering going public, stay the hell away! It’s just not worth it. Anything of real meaning will have to wait till after I’m through with the whole school thing. People might say “Life’s short, you might get hit by a bus tomorrow, so live like there’s no tomorrow”. Screw that*. Life’s long, and even on the off chance I do get hit by a bus, the knowledge that a riotous mob would burn said bus and its driver is enough for me to be happy for the rest of eternity. Imagine, leaving the earth in a blazing inferno!

So here I go with an empty mind…

It was a dark and stormy evening. I stepped off the bus as it was splashing its way down to a fraction of its top speed. I scurry into the shelter of the bus stop, where there were people, people waiting for buses, or just escaping the pouring rain. The rain, the tropical rain which drips liquid ice all over its temporary territories was hammering down particularly hard that day. I turn my attention back to the people inside the bus stop. One of them in particular, caught my eye. He was standing in a shadowy corner, and was… glowing, literally. It looked as if he was on his way to a sign-makers’ to get himself bent into a notice saying “vacancy”. Coolio. I sidle up to him, and I noticed he was…

At this moment my jeans pocket starts vibrating.

Damn it! Just when I manage to make things interesting for myself… “Where are you and why are you late?” I reply with my location and ask whether she does not notice the rain which threatens to melt the entire country with its constant splattering. “What rain? You’re imagining things again”. Fine, there was no rain. “Just come home and take your medication will you? We’ll make the rain go away together”. And she wonders where I got my sarcasm from…

I realize I just wrote an entire post about nothing in particular. I could just use the excuse about signs of aging if I wasn’t just 18. Maybe some sort of early-life crisis?


*Anyone seen that movie starring Chris Rock? The thing in which he’s a regular married man? Anyway, that line’s derived from that movie. Don’t flame me with “You stole that whole thing from a movie you asshole!!!”

This means you too Kiran!

25
Sep
07

The Future? I doubt it.

I was in class yesterday and just started wandering what it would be like if I was living in the future. Here’s what I thought.

I’d be woken up in the morning by my “Time-Specific Alert device” or Alarm clock, With “In the Morning” by Razorlight blasted in my ear. Being lazy in the morning like most people, I switch it to snooze, and after a couple of minutes I get some sort of water substitute sprayed in my face to wake me, courtesy of the clock’s “Aqueous” setting, set by my mother.

Trudge over to the sink and pour some tooth cleaning solution into my mouth, gargle and spit it, And am surprised to find that the bathroom door can’t be opened because the nanobots in the solution thought the old pizza stuck between my teeth contained the plague, and hence quarantined me.

After overcoming the paranoid bots, I try my luck at shaving with my newly acquired Gillette Mach64 razor, which contains a 64-Bit processor to help me get rid of all those unwanted facial hairs. It just ends up nearly scalping me. And it says “You are not hairless yet”. Well, back to the good ‘ol Mach 3 then…

Eventually, I pick up my school laptop and go stand by the road and wait for the bus. My watch tells me the next one will be there in 12 minutes. So I decide to listen to some music on my 4G Zune (Not iPod ;-) ), Only to be told that my mother’s set a restriction on it so I can’t listen right before going to school. So I wait it out. Bus comes, and the RFID tag in my watch tells the bus to charge my account. Takes about 15 minutes to get to school, And I get off. No more getting on and off the bus before it stops these days :-( . I walk along the street, Kicking away the countless iPod’s littering the streets, discarded by people who had seen the light(Heh heh). A cleaning drone with a Sony logo on it was cleaning the mess up.

On my way I pass a Metrocop with a big Apple logo plastered over the back of his head. He smiled at me and said, “Do you require any assistance in…[Short Pause]… Walking, Sir?”. I reply in the negatory and he waves me off with “Hail Steve Jobs”.(Why am I still thinking of apple?)

I get to school and someone goes “Thamuseta deepu gaana haduwada oi?!”(or, Did you make the sum I gave you?!)

At which point I wake up, Curse under my breath and go back to living in the past. Present, I mean.

P.S. – My new sig. Don’t know where I can use it yet, though.





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