Four Types of Facebook Creeps

I’ve been on facebook a while now. I haven’t really done much on it other than accept the occasional friend request and comment on pictures of me, but I’ve noticed stuff. People. Decided to list a few types.

• The males that have a roundabout way of showing interest – I have a friend. She posted a few pictures recently. I went over to look at them, and while flipping through each picture I notice something strange. Along with the text like “2 comments” and  “In this picture:”, there is the ever present “x likes this picture, along with the thumbs up icon. On every. Single. Picture. I keep going and come across a few comments by the same person. “oh wow ur smile. it is so beautiful”. Way to go there casanova, freak her out by going on to click “Like” on every single one of her pictures and flooding her with notifications. Why don’t you just write “I love you” on her wall?
• The Drama Queen – Any gender can be this. The most recent example I came across was a male. A note is posted. With a bad joke. Snarky comments are made by me. Owner denies thinking up note(he didn’t). More snarkyness. And bam! I’m barred from seeing the note. Not even a “plez how do I make snarky comments lyk that to peepal” message. I’m offended. All I get is a reply to not comment or read if I don’t like it. I mean, I was in a state to write “I h8 uu!!!11″ on his wall! Hmph.
• Stalkers – Usually male. These teenagers, sometimes even grown men, will browse through facebook looking for people to add to their friends lists. No surprise that they’re usually female. They see some girl, say to each other “Isn’t she the sister of that girl who talks to the girl who sits at the back of the class in the class next to ours while she waits to be picked up after class?” and agree unanimously. Otherwise it’s “Isn’t that that dude’s girlfriend’s sister’s friend’s sister?”. Eventually half the population is on their friend lists.
• Me – I have a peculiar predicament. I used to get on only to confirms friend requests from people I knew. Which created a general impression of me not really being around fb much, the only activity generated being from my blog posts being sent as notes. Now I have a problem. I have this feeling that I should keep this image of me not being on it much intact, but it leaves me helpless when I actually want to add people to my friends list. If I send request around willy-nilly my image of being ‘too cool for facebook’, or ‘too uncool for more than 100 friends’ rather, is shattered. So I wait patiently till they eventually add me.

Why don’t females suddenly flood my inbox with “i really lyk your hair, can i touch it”? Why don’t females start writing poetry to random males? Why do people put LOL at the end of every damn comment, even when it’s not remotely funny? Why must my brain die a little each time I go on there and see what people say? Why are the comments sections turning into youtube comment sections?

I don’t know. I’m off to go change my profile pic and look at pictures of strange exotic girls.

I hear they want to “friend me”.

Three Songs

Sachintha tagged me to write up a list of three songs that make my blood boil.

I have no idea.

But I will post a list of songs that… I dislike. Just to avoid the wrath of a Sach with a spurned tag, which is not unlike a woman spurned. Except for a few minor differences. Like how a woman spurned actually has an effect on the spurrer.

Anyway,

1. Beautiful Girls – Sean Kingston – Man I can’t stand this dude. And this is by far one if his most annoying tracks. Most current rappers suck ass anyway, but this dude is the only one whose name I can recall at the moment. This song is a prime example of Dumbass Rapper Syndrome. It has all the hallmarks of a crappy song. Ergo, “Your way too beautiful girl | That’s why it’ll never work | You had me suicidal, suicidal | When you say it’s over” – Stupid logic and “It was back in ’99 (ninty-nine) | Watchin’ movies all the time | Oh when I went away |  For doin’ my first crime” – Reference to crime etc. etc.  Also, watching movies all the time? What, was he arrested for trying to sneak into an adult movie when he was 10 or something? No wonder this guy can never get a girl, if he writes lyrics like that. I mean, really, what kind of dude is so insecure as to worry about a girl being too beautiful? God man, grow some balls. The grammar on most lyrics sites is also pretty crappy.
2. Soulja Boy Off In This Hoe
   Watch Me Lean And Watch Me Rock
   Super Man Dat Hoe
   Then Watch Me Crank Dat Robocop
   Super Fresh, Now Watch Me Jock
   Jocking On Them Haterz Man
   When I Do Dat Soulja Boy
   I Lean To The Left And Crank Dat Dance
   (Now You)
   I’m Jocking On Yo xxxxx Ass
   And If We Get The Fightin
   Then I’m Cocking On Your Bitch
   You Catch Me At Yo Local Party
   Yes I Crank It Everyday
   Haterz Get Mad Cuz
   “I Got Me Some Bathin Apes”
   
   WTF? Garden tools and super heroes? “Jocking on them haterz”? Is that like throwing used jock straps at people? As for haterz, he’d better pile up on stuff to throw at them. I’m sure a few billion people out there would want this guy to crawl into bed with malaria.
3. And finally, a song after my own heart actually. Beyonce’s If I were a boy. Clear evidence that females are, indeed, the inferior beings we have to share this planet with. It’s quite clear she has quite a good grasp of how things are. All females should follow her example and concede that men can do whatever the hell they want, and are the “awesome of the species”. Never mind that the band in the background sounds like they could have made a better noise if they’d been repeatedly run over by a truck for the duration of the track, the lyrics are a shining example of male superiority. We salute Beyonce. Congratulations on setting back feminism by a few decades at least.

Simple Sins

Shout out to mah man Seredib Ahl! Yo yo.

No?

Oh, okay.

On to the list.

1. Me
2. The voice in my head
3. Voice. Not voices. I’m no schitzo freak, you mentally unstable parasites upon society.
4. Oh yeah, three was supposed to be Rainbows. Or something like that. Lollipops, Sunshine etc.
5. Dammit. Four is…. The internet. And five is Music.
6. Walking about aimlessly.
7. But only for a while.
8. Lieing in bed on a cold day.
9. Pointing out other people’s typos.
10. Laughing at non-techy people making mistakes.
11. Necrophilia.
12. Using words I don’t know the meaning of.
13. Talking.
14. Silence.
15. Disturbed.
16. Alter Bridge.
17. Britne- Wait. This isn’t the ‘Fav artistes’ tag is it? Oh… Er…. The countryside. Yeah.
18. But then… Is ‘The Internet’ a simple pleasure? I’ll assume so.
19. Brokeback Mou- It’s not the movies tag either is it? O-Kay…
20. LOOK BEHIND YOU!!!
21. Making corny jokes/looking stupid.
22. Eating ice cubes.
23. The wind.
24. Peppermint, wind and THEN eating ice cubes! Frostbitten tongue, my friend.
25. You.
26. Blogging!

Okay so maybe not all are so simple. Stop being a complexity nazi.

Again, I have nobody to tag since I always get these things last, being at the bottom rung and all. Yeah, you only see the dusty, decaying link to ‘A Sort of Beautifu…’ on the most shadiest of blogs. The kind of blogs that you wouldn’t want to run into in a dark alley.

Till next time, Cheerio!

Oh well, Might as well bide my time…

So I’m waiting in a cafe for someone and thought I’d make a post to alleviate the boredom. Visit a random blog, and start clicking from there. Listed below are my findings.

• Whacko’s labels list has Good and Evil in equal measure(2). Also a misspelled conundrum, egg, and a relieving sign of his heterosexuality in the form of (1) post on Men, and (12) on Women. I also get a kick out of seeing I’m the only blogger listed on it. That is, unless Anarkali or Ranjan Ramanayake have blogs. But that is quickly offset by his vastly greater number of followers.
• Go over to the darkside. See yet another video of some hands playing a piano. Shudder at the horde of female fans.
• F**CK F**CK F**CK F**CK F**CK F**CK
• No, that wasn’t at the Piano post. Something completely unrelated that just happened.
• Hmmm….
• Bah….
• Anyone want cookies?
• Still on the darkside, a map thingy showing readers all over the globe coming to see the maestro at work. Or play. Whichever it is.
• *envy*
• Go to DeeCee’s blog. Some Buddha thing. Meh… I doubt people would go on a rampage even if there WAS a Jesus Bar. What with the whole water > wine thing, it might even be quite popular
• Apple, change the world? pfft. Steve Jobs is a celebrity. Why must you idolise him for that?
• Eyeliner and I? What be this…
• GAH!! Poetry! Frantically click back.
• What else be there…. Delilah Says Deliberations. Never thought people called Delilah actually existed. Just assumed it was a name made up for movies and things. I mean, it’s like… I dunno. Fiction-ey.
• Another post which I find a bit difficult to make head or tail of, so I refrain from comenting here. Er… Anyway,
• Click on Jack’s Point of View. Spanish music. Ooooh, Volare. Heard the Russel Watson version of it. Can’t listen to anything due to lack of any sound from this PC. Oh well, moving on we see…
• Sabby’s blog is still missing.
• Life in Taprobane. Woah, nice images. But… That last picture. How is the fish standing on it’s side like that? Is is stuck by the fin to the rigifoam box?
• SI has a map too, but it’s coloured all brown, possibly reflecting his current view out the window of endless desert.

Wait. Why am I still writing this post? I’m off to get something to eat.
Cheerio, see ya’ll at the next post.

It’s so hot I tpyo!

It’s so freaking hot! I’m afraid to step out for fear of melting into the sidewalk and slowly seeping into a sewer somewhere. I wake up in the morning to a comfortable 26 odd degrees, get to work and promptly turn into a boiled carrot. Buses suck. Unless you’re on the footboard or something. Even then, the only environmental controls are how you position yourself on it. But on the plus side, you get a patta upper body work out. The dude sitting in front of me sweats. I see each little treacle of sweat flow slowly down his neck and plunge into the cotton comfort of his shirt, all the while realizing that there are drops of sweat much like the one I’m staring at behind my own neck. I dab at it. I still reeked when I got off though. Stay away from me these days, I am not an accurate representation of myself.

Roosters are Nature’s Snooze Alarms. Ever notice how they let out a cry at daybreak, and then keep dong it till you’re awake? Even well into your morning the blasted bird will keep screeching it’s throat away. At least with an alarm you can hit it and switch it off. You hit a rooster and… I dunno. Was at hanwelle recently and that place seemed to have chickens like new Zealand has sheep. Except unlike New Zealand there weren’t so many stories of people getting randy with the poultry.

Going away to the mountains for a few days improves your writing skills about a millionfold. I come back, jot down a tired post and I get “Nice writing” thrown at me. Now I’m just an everyday c- wait…..*slowly places ego aside for a moment. ‘don’t worry baby you’ll be back in no time’*… I’m just an ordinary chap with internet access and a working knowledge of the language. I wouldn’t know good writing if it bit me in the face. Now, to be accused of dishing out the same is bewildering, to say the least. I will assume it was meant as a light compliment only said for lack of anything else to say about the post …*replaces ego ‘come here honey, you’re okay..’*…

I do
THIS and THIS

(WIP)It’s fun. I also do
THIS STUFF

(Fictional WIP)It’s fun too.

I dunno. This is an advertisement. Of me. Dread having to remake portfolio. But then again making it should be fun too, if I didn’t have to rush like this. Maybe something new. Need work. Money. Grass is greener and tastes better on another company’s lawn. Thank god I made xml files for play lists. I recommend to all you Flash and ActionScript junkies – TweenLite and Five3D. Probably the best combo of libraries I’ve come across in my (admittedly limited) experience with flash. Just realized, renders. Time… I need a super duper PC…

Phones grow on you. I never thought I’d grow attached to a phone, but I have. It’s been through many hazards such as being lobbed over my shoulder and drowning in a wet pocket, and come out with only a few scratches. Although, thanks to those infernal Sony engineers I now cannot claim warranty on it because a little white spot on the back has turned red now that it got wet. Cows. Those genius cows.

Uncomfortable is when your boss’s wife is looking for Russian music and you have the bright idea of suggesting she search ISOHunt. Go over to PC, commandeer mouse from her, navigate, enter keywords.
Be assailed by results for Russian videos of a questionable nature.
Rapidly close tab, grin sheepishly and scurry off.

Finally, Mustard is a colour like my ass is the next brown president of the USA. It is much akin to calling a spade a cow. Mustard. Hmph.

…Or is it something like Orange? Is mustard a fruit? It’s that yellow powder stuff right? And in some cases paste. Or something. OR, is it some tropical fish? Bleh… Just call it light brown or something will ya? Easier for all concerned.

Oh, and Gehan, here you go-
“How do you keep coming down to colombo to make posts? Or do you just use message relaying monkeys to carry a written page down to colombo, to be typed and postd? hyuk hyuk hyuk”

The post tag post… or something

Apologies to mixedblessings, this post slipped my mind for a bit…

1. My main sources of ‘nourishment’ over the past 13 years has been chocolate sauce and soya meat. Not at the same time, mind you, but those two usually accompanied every meal of mine. Though it has eased up a bit recently. No, I am not skinny nor am I overweight. I just have a very strange metabolism

2. I used to refer to myself in the third person for a few years when I was around four or five. I watched myself on an old home video, and it was freaky when I kept referring to “Jerry”. Of course Jerry has grown out of it now, but it’s still a little creepy.

3. I once leaped from the top of the Central Bank building while playing the cello.

4. I lie a lot.

5. I am quite truthful most of the time.

6. I’m not sure what a cello sounds like.

7. My middle name starts with a C and ends with an R. And has “hristophe” in between.

8. I don’t eat parippu(dhal). Unless it’s the only thing there, for example with paratas at some thosa kade. My mum keeps nagging me about eating some horribly unhygienic version of her own food.

9. I am permanently on an ego trip.

10. Starting recently, I know too much about beauty care products.

11. Again starting recently, I tap my fingers along to whatever is playing on my walkman. Usually while in the bus. So much that my fingertips feel a wee bit strange.

12. I usually can’t tell the difference between coke and pepsi. I also usually don’t realize if there’s too little salt in a dish.

13. I’m also not very good at talking about stuff like this. So I shall end it here. Go read the next post.

The Return of The Getting To Know Me

Getting To Know My Friend The Zombie

My pal Barney here wanted to join in all the fun of this tagging business too, so I went through the list with him, me being the kind soul I am.

Barney: He’s a nice guy when you get to know him

1) How are you today? Brilliant! Can’t wait to go terrorise some scientists.

2) What did you want to be when you were little? An astronaut.

3) Favourite toy as a child? I was usually locked up in our basement back then. I guess I could say the occasional small child who wandered in could have been called a toy.

4) Education? Yes, my parent’s thought it best to home school me, but even that stopped after ninth grade when I kept eating the teachers.

5) What is under your bed? Oh you know. Odds and ends.

*shudder*

6) Read any books? Why yes, it’s quite a challenge keeping ourselves entertained while waiting for the next wave of erstwhile heroes. Death of a Salesman caught my eye, but so far it has been quite disappointing in terms of content.

7) Where are you from? My parents told me I was adopted.

8) Are you a people… er.. Person? Yes. I like people quite well. It may be a one way thing, but when I’m at the mall I go crazy with all the people there.

9) What kind of music do you listen to? I like the old recordings of ambient noises in Nazi concentration camps best but bands such as Slipknot and Marilyn Manson are a suitable alternative. But Miley Cyrus sounds good too.

10) Favourite genre? Death Metal and Pop.

11) Last movie you watched? The Night of the Living Dead. The people at the theater were not surprised to see us there and even asked for autographs. I am proud to say the Zombies are people too program seems to be making progress.

12) Currently employed at? Turtle Rock Studios and Valve. They recently released a videogame titled “Left 4 Dead”, which features Differently Alive persons quite prominently.

13) What is your middle name? Well my friends call me ‘Biter’ but my real middle name is Hussein.

14) What characteristic do you most despise in people? Shotguns.

15) Are you a morning person or a night person? Well it depends. I really like the night because people are more scared, but I keep bumping into things, what with the regulation-zombie-walk and all.

16) Food you dislike? Persians. The cat, not the people. Actually, the Persian president, that Ahmedinejad fellow is an honorary member of Unconventionally and Differently Alive Demographics(UnDeAD).

17) If you were a crayon, what colour would you be? *glare*

18) First person you spoke to on the phone today? You might not have noticed that my fingers are not exactly suited to grasping small devices such as phones. But yes, thank you for reminding me.

19) When was the last time you cried? *GLARE*

20) Okay, okay… Hugs or kis-

What, why are…

Why are you getting up?

!!!

HEY!

getoffmegetoffmegetoffme!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!

*BRAAIIIIIINNNNNNZZZZZZ

Come get to know ME, ingrates!

Now, I can’t be having people like TheWhacksteR thinking they’ve got a bigger ego than me, so here I am with my own 15 questions, plus an extra post just to one-up that humble soul. As usual, I steal from here and there to make this up.

1) How are you today? Awesome

2) What did you want to be when you were little? Big

3) What do you want to be now that you’re big? Little

4) Favourite toy as a child? “Vial of Immortality” – I think it really works. Been ten years now.

5) Education? You people think you’re so smart because you went to “school”…

6) What is under your bed? Yo mama. Sorry. I mean dust.

7) Tech-head? Yes.

8) Read much? See previous post. What I really meant to say there is that I read a lot and I’m better than you.

9) Roots? Not really sure. Am the only one in my family born here. The parents were still in India before.

10) What do you think of everyone else? They are placed on earth to wait on me

11) Will you make up another four questions? No, I am too egotistical to care.

Fin

*Takes back crown

Blogs I Read(And other things)

Here’s another not funny post, Mr Fallen. You might have noticed that if I could keep pumping out posts like that I’d be doing stand up instead of messing with a workstation* for eight hours a day.

Reading through someone’s blog, you see how they change, they sort of.. hone their personality. I’ve no idea whether people actually change in real life, but their writing becomes more refined, sort of. Most of the time I don’t even know why I started reading a blog regularly. Sometimes the content is interesting, and other times even the comments draw me in. And in some blogs, the person writing it just seems like a decent sort. Whatever reason it is, you tag along for the rest of their posts and almost become friends. Well, online friends then. And these usually end up better than most online relationships, many of which start off with asl and end with stfu.

And now, to finish this thing off, I need just a few more commas and fullstops. These are my most frequented feeds. If you’re not in it, chances are I just drop by randomly. Nah, I’m just being nice. You suck.

- Alphabetical order-title. Google reader, blogs and blog-like things. Please excuse me for the pointless text. Just needed some cannon fodder for the links. Also note that the text has nothing to do with the links. I meant to put in something about how frequently people blog, or something, too. Just imagine I did. It would help if you imagined I said something funny after that too.

*It’s not really a workstation, just a crappy mid-range dual core, struggling to keep up. But workstation sounds so much cooler.

Note the header

See? Through my whole life, I have never done what I just did. I added a blog header image thigymabob.

Look at it. Now I know there are at least three of you people reading this out there, so tell me, how is it? Now now, don’t pretend you didn’t just read tha- TAKE THAT POINTER OFF THE LITTLE x! – It’s okay, I won’t bite. This will probably be the same style I employ for the next title.

And possible names for the new name have been drafted. In no particular order,

• mad leet
• teh chronicles of smarmia
• godmode
• jerry’s blog
• Grand Theft Otto
• Jerry?
• me 2.0
• ☻ – The blog formerly known as “A Sort of Bea…”

Though I’m inclined towards mad leet and just jerry’s blog. :/
Can’t call it ‘The Jester’ for fear of stealing the Court Jester’s thunder, or rather just temporarily borrowing it, as people will notice soon enough and go back to reading his blog and occasionally posting discouraging comments on mine about copying people. Same goes for jerry.ca.