The new year is a knockin’

So 2009 is at our doorstep. Actually, in our doorway and asking to be let in. So this year has been weird. And to sum it up, I’m going to pour out the contents of my “Notes” folder on my phone. It’s not really a summary of my actions per se, but more like what was going through my head. Most of them make no sense as single sentences, but are the essence of an idea. I’ll expand them so that they can be read.

I’ll ignore the fact that most of it was written in the last three months. Also the fact that this is going to be by far my most disjointed post.

- Losing your glasses is like living in a dream. It’s all literally just a blur for a while. Thankfully I’m not too handicapped by it. After a while I got used to it.

- As technology progresses, we go from smart people in front of dumb terminals to dumb people in front of smart terminals.

- Master Chief is only a letter away from Master Chef. Halo anyone?

- KFC! The only thing missing is U!

- If I were stuck on some deserted island for eternity, I would make a girl out of coconuts. Even though it is highly likely she’ll want to be ‘just friends’.

- Everyone needs goals. Even if they’re goals such as “I’m gonna eat that ice cream if it kills me”.

- People who go “people suck/change/’shouldn’t be trusted’” suck. People means you too. Besides, acting like every person you meet is an axe murderer is just lame. I usually ask people and they say no, they haven’t murdered any axes recently. But I guess it would bode well for me only if I was an axe. All that from the note “emo, axe murderer”.

- And then there’s this note for which I can’t remember the explanation. “Making things is progress, boring. Life withoutu conflict is teh goal”. I dunno. Maybe I tend to go all existential on my phone’s ass when I’m half asleep.

Well, there.

Christmastime

I was tagged by Blacklight Existence and so here’s the post. Right after this render of an idea I stole from a Calvin & Hobbes strip. Original is here.

This year has been weird. Life has been, as they say, a rollercoaster. That’s if you’ve been on one in which you keep heading down, and down, all the while screaming at the top of your lungs that you don’t wanna grow up. List follows - 

- Read less books – I only read a handful of them this year. Switched to reading stuff off the internet.

- Got a job – Coolness.

- Left school – Meh-ness.

- Learned stuff – From ActionScript to local roads, life is an open instruction manual.

- Met people – A few, but they were… okay.

- Changed – I thought I’d never change.

That is all I did the whole of this past year. All the little things seem pretty insignificant. All in all, 2008′s been a rough ride. But it’s smoothing out now.

Before I forget, listen to “Christmastime” by Aimee Mann. It’s an old song but a nice one. 

How To Get What You Want This Christmas

People like lists. So here’s a list of things to do to get what you want this Christmas.

1) Be good. This goes without saying, but most people ignore it. This can be a fatal mistake. Being good makes people think “Hey, there’s a nice guy, I think I shall buy him something this December”. Don’t be mislead by the “Sugar and spice and everything nice” line. Sugar is not nice, trust me. And the last time I used spices on anyone they sued me for assault.

2) Remind people. Use any medium possible. But be subtle. A bad message would be “Hello All. Christmas is coming up. Last year, I got many warm greetings and good wishes. Now I have enough to last a lifetime. Send cash or goods, you cheap bastards. Merry Christmas!” A better way to convey that message would be to send a gentle reminder that Christmas is approaching, and hint that you might have something for them. “Hi x! The merriest time of the year is afoot! Santa might have some space in his bag for [thing that friend has been eying] this year. *wink” This does not mean that you must deliver on it. If the friend is brash enough to ask, you can merely brush it off with “You still believe in Santa? Ho Ho Ho biarch!” Hopefully this will be AFTER your chosen friend has gifted you something and you are busily unwrapping it.

3) Do not spread the joy to people that some would dislike. So your holiday greeting card should read “May your days be merry and filled with joy! …Except for Gehan, he’s a bitch” (Just kidding buddy, I’m just bitter I have to go through Christmas looking like a douche )

4) Go caroling. Sing Christmas songs. “White Christmas” has much use beyond being racist propaganda. It can be used to trick many an old lady into thinking you are a mere 11 year old. And don’t be mislead. Old people have huge stockpiles of useful things. If all else fails, you can just take their pills and sell them on the black market. Pressure and Cholesterol pills are pretty expensive. Just make sure to label them “v-i-a-g-r-a”.

5) This should only be done if everything else turns out to be worthless. Steal from Santa. How hard could it be? Big fat man, plus, he’ll be stuck in your chimney. But wait. If you have a chimney, here in Sri Lanka you’re probably some rich twat. So no, wait for Santa to break in through a window. Keep a cricket bat handy.

Never

So I’ve been tagged. And since I can’t really think of a proper “I’ve never” list, I shall compare my life to popular TV shows. I’m sure that’s what life’s supposed to be like.

So, much to my chagrin, I’ve never -

- Had a ridiculously hot nurse fuss over me. I was… exhilarated, to say the least, when I got appendicitis. Suffice to say, I was not a happy patient.

- Seen anyone’s evil/good twin show up after the death of said person. Beware, this assumption can get you into trouble.

- Turned into a [name of small mammal or insect]-man after being bitten by anything, radioactive or not. Being under my bed for that long would turn anything into a mutant super power-giving mini-super being. I have a hunch the hulk isn’t real.

- Choked on anything. Seriously. I mean, who chokes to death? Even my dog can cough it out.

- Had a laugh track in my life. This is really confusing. I expected raucous laughter whenever I made a funny, and yet, surprise surprise, nothing happened.

- Found that my friends always hang out at a particular place all the time. I tried walking into the coffee shop near where I work, and was greeted only by the strange old man at the corner table. If they were there yesterday, surely they should be there today too. Maybe they’ve gone to…work, or study.

Also,

- Never had this much fun

- Or felt this isolated at times.

Re: working, that is.

AND,

- Never had a post that didn’t have a single typo on first pasting. Till this one, that is.

Movies Post 2.0

Well, everyone from Microsoft to Apple to random movie makers use the 2.0 thing, so why not me? I think I deserve a 2.0 . Yes?

Anyway, been watching lots of movies and stuff these past few days. If you’re looking for a quick opinion on what movies to get, and which ones to avoid like the plague, look no further! This is the be-all end-all of movie lists for… the last week!

Taken – Awesomeness. Not by any particularly brilliant story or acting, but just the character Liam Neeson plays in it(Refer previous post). He’s an ex-CIA guy whose daughter gets kidnapped and is in the thick of a human trafficking network.

BABYLON A.D. – Sorta interesting, not too memorable though. And I have no idea what it is they’re implying. :/

Untraceable – Tech-Comedy. Takes a brave new approach to comedy movies by taking the “Scary Movie” like concept of emulating an actual thriller storyline, but minus all the exaggeration and laughing. Except in the fake tech department. Oh, yeah, it was in the “Tech Thriller” category for some reason… weird.

The Whole Nine Yards – Finally found this movie. Highly recommended! Matthew Perry is now my favourite “Friends” character.

Transformers:Animated – Not too great. It’s just a single episode of the cartoon stretched to movie length.

A Beautiful Mind – Second time I’m watching, but even so it was brilliant. A must watch. Story of John Nash. Schizophrenia is cool. Also, Russel Crowe’s “southern” accent is freakin amazing!

Tropic Thunder – A fun fest of a movie. Lots of big names. But they certainly deliver. Cast includes Jack Black, Ben Stiller and Robert Downey Jr. No, he’s not in THAT suit this time. Set in the present, it’s about a bunch of actors shooting a Vietnam war movie out in Vietnam, and getting caught up in the middle of an actual battle. Pretty funny impression of Russel Crowe by Downey.

Heroes(se03) – Watched only the first two episodes for now, but it looks pretty good. Lots of new villains and different storylines mixing up. It’s turning into a comic book now, as opposed to the “Heroes:The Soap” type thing earlier.

How I met your mother(se03) – Watched through the entire season and it is awesome! Funny as hell but we still don’t see an ending. Must get se04. Marshall lets rip another slap on Barney.

Books

As promised, here. This list might have been influenced by my current state of scavenger-hood.

1) Learning to Cook by Some Author – Extremely Useful.
2) The Rotary Guide to Indian Food – Apply methods from above book into this.
3) The Bible – The soul needs some form of relief in these trying times.

Regarding novels and things, I really can’t pick out a top three. I just remember a few notable ones I read recently were “The Life of Pi by Yann Martel” and “Reaper Man by Terry Pratchett”. But most of the stuff I read these days is off the net. Some pretty interesting stuff can be dug up at ubersite.com.

Ten things vs. Regular Post

Funny thing is, I already typed up another post thinking this was the same “Seven random things about you” chain which I dead ended last year, with three extra things. I just found out that it’s “Ten things that make me feel happy”.

Anyway,

1) Technology -
Although the past week has been a black one for most stuff around me. First my phone memory card goes bust, and then the one I buy to replace it turns out to be slightly incompatible, so I have to wait another week till they get a different brand down. Then I break the glass turntable in the microwave. Then my monitor stops working, so I’m stuck with a crummy 15-inch. Thoughts of sabotage entered my mind when the bus I was traveling in broke down in the middle of the road today.

2) Music -
I just ripped “The Flying Carpet”. No, it’s not the Aladdin soundtrack. Nice, relaxing music. Although I do push in the occasional Alter Bridge. Something unpleasant happened this last week in music. I copied off all the new music on my brother’s mp3 player like I usually do, and was assailed by the likes of S Club 7 and NSync. Apparently, he had autofilled it with random tracks from his office.

3) Weird stuff, like have you ever noticed that you can’t lick your elbows?

4) Laughing -
Most recently, at the audience on the Tyra Show. Those people have been dragged over from a telemarketing show methinks. And considering that everyone who appears on the Tyra Show is either terribly maimed or nutty as a fruitcake, or both if you count Tyra, they appear to be what is scientifically called “Tasteless Bovines”

5) Messed up situations -
I was about 8 years old. And I was at a funeral. We were all gathered round the grave, some fifty-odd people. My cousin(6) and I were way at the back. Suddenly, he grabs my sleeve and points. I turn to see a skull, dug up by some dog and just showing out of the ground. We both start shouting “A skull! A skull!” not in panic, but out of sheer excitement. You can imagine what sort of reaction this caused in the adults. Each of them spun round and stared at us as if we had just murdered the poor guy. Two kids shouting out in joy about a dead guy’s bones is not something you particularly like to hear if your husband’s just passed away. Needless to say, our parents came and dragged us away, apologizing profusely for our “misconduct”.

6) Reading stuff -
But I already mentioned this in the earlier post.

7) Taking pictures of stuff -
I’m not sure if I’m qualified to call myself an “Amateur Photographer”. I used to make money off it when I was in the school club, but now it’s just regular random pictures of whatever is interesting. But by far the worst part is when relatives ask you to take pictures of various social events. Sometimes, that would be fine, but not when there’s another professional guy there, jumping about like spider-man. Photographers are very much like lions. Not in that we pee on rocks, but that we’re very territorial. If I walk into another guys turf, he will take me down, either by making my pictures look bad or resorting to the deadliest attack – laughing at my camera. Between his evil looks and the comments of relatives to the tune of “*giggle“, “Ohh look who’s taking pictures“, and “Make sure you focus right this time” you sort of lose interest in your hobby.

8) Sarcasm -
“Someone who tries to peddle sarcasm as a higher form of wit”. That’s me. Probably because it’s easier.

9) Strangely, Making stuff -
As in virtual things. Mostly in Cinema 4D and Photoshop. It’s just fun when the bean man you made learns how to walk right. Or when you have the power to sadistically twist the limbs of your creation, and put it back the way it was again. Although it’s no fun having to wait a few minutes for renders to complete…

10) Life -
The fact that we, and not fire breathing rabbits, were chosen to rule this earth, is great!
Although I must admit a different type of scourge, in the form of the fire-breathing feminist, is threatening civilization today. hehehe… Don’t flame me, please(No pun intended). Just got too many e-mails with “How great is a woman” etc. in the subject line.

Like last time, I don’t know anyone who hasn’t been tagged already. Woe is me. I doubt this chain is goig to end because of me, so ciao for now!

Not a Resolutions Post!

People make New Year’s resolutions, and then don’t stick to them. So, instead of that, I’m going to post a few things that annoy me. I shall do my best to abolish these things, and hence make myself happy and in the process, make myself more pleasant to the outside world, which should hopefully make up for not having any resolutions.

That’ll also help me make up fake resolutions for when people insist.

ANNOYING THINGS

1) Walking into a spider’s web in the morning-

This happens when you’ve just set foot out of the house. These webs, produced by the less mentally gifted of the eight legged insects, hang in wait for you in places like the front door frame, the gap between a car and a pillar, or even a wall and a drooping tree branch. It’s extremely annoying when you’ve just cleaned up and set out towards the new day and you have this invisible net all over your face and hair. After you’ve managed to get rid of the infernal web from hell, you end up looking exactly the way you woke up, which would be okay if everyone lived in a movie, but, as my shrink said, that’s not so.

2) People throwing maxims at you -

“Early to bed & Early to rise, Makes a man Healthy, Wealthy & Wise“

As if it were any object to a boy to be healthy, wealthy and wise on those terms. It is sayings such as these that pull down a sprouting individual, and makes him lose all hope of ever measuring up to anything. What with people praising various idols and exalting their kids to be like them, not realizing that these “idols” were really vicious. Take for example the author of the line above, B Franklin. In order to fly his kite out on Sundays, he’d hang a key on it and say he was “fishing for lightning”, and the people would go about praising the “great wisdom” of the sabbath breaker. What parents don’t realize is that studying till morning, then waking up at an inhuman hour and doing things like peddling your own poetry are the signs of genius, not the cause of it. If they did, there would be so many more little Einsteins and Darwins. And I would have earned my first million by 16, yet here I am.

3) Made for TV Christmas movies -

These pieces of coal that flow out of the studios along with the rest of the gems and assorted rocks, seem to want to somehow bludgeon the viewer into the Christmas spirit with an arsenal of bad acting and directing. The way these weapons are yielded could very well scare an audience into submission, and want to pray to god to make it stop. And what better way for a non-believer to start than by celebrating the birthday of the very one he is about to appeal to for help?

That’s all that comes to mind right now, but there’s plenty more, obviously…

May the New Year bring you New Joy!

I thought that up myself. That has to count for something extra. You owe me a New Year’s gift.