Archive for the 'occasion' Category

13
Oct
10

Yet Another Year

It’s October again!

Besides being the month which used to be called Winmonth(if the internet is to be believed), October was also voted “Most likely to breed amazing people” in it’s graduating class of 753 BC. The 14th, the birth date of yours truly, also gave the world the Walkman, ushering in a new era of being able to carry around awesomeness in your pocket.

Bitter with jealousy at not being born in this glorious month, people have also given October “Mental Illness Awareness Week” and curiously, “Domestic Violence Remembrance Month”. You’d think the last thing people affected by domestic violence would want to do is remember all of it. People born outside October are evil.

Anyway,

I’m turning … a certain age. An age which is supposed to entail “freedom” and “adulthood”. Psh. Freedom I already have, and adulthood, as teenagers the world over enunciate, is “overrated”. I apologize for being so cliché but when people talk of making a cake in the shape of a key for a birthday meant to celebrate entry into adulthood, I begin to doubt a few things. Yes, I heard talk of making a key-shaped cake for me.

Either way, if these alleged advantages of entering the clubhouse of true adulthood doesn’t entail things such as people worshiping me like they’re at the Katharagama dewale wherever I go , it’s hard to see much point in the “magical” two-one-oh. Or rather, two-one. But that doesn’t sound as catchy. Well, hopefully there’ll be some change. Will report back here if there is.

31
Dec
09

The Year in Retrospect

So yet another year is coming to an end and we take stock of it. I’m not sure what “retrospect” is but I’ll use it anyway. There are lots of words like that for me; they just seem to fit the sentence but I’m not sure what exactly they mean.

This is what I got out of this year.

Older and less employed. I quit my job in September, started studying in the same month. I’ve been living off my bank account since then and it’s starting to run out. I’m the kind of guy who is lazy about actually finding employment. I have no qualms about being non-lazy while I’m working but I just can’t seem to muster up much effort to get myself into a job. I usually just wait for it to be dropped on my lap, all wrapped up in ribbons.

Kind of like a polar bear living in a cave but then feeling nasty about letting a three tailed arctic lemur eat his caviar. I was never good at analogies anyway.

Other than that, the past year has gone past me like a woman who just saw 50% off on something across the mall. Nice to see my chauvinistic ways are still intact.

My New Year’s Resolutions are non-

OMGWTFBBQ. My mom just asked me to do yet another chore, as I’m writing this post. Clearly the Christmas season is still dragging on…

[Much later]

As I was saying, I don’t have any resolutions, apart from the ultra corny 1440×900 on my desktop. Oh snap, I didn’t just type that.

Hopefully everyone else will have a few so that my quality of life improves.

Considerably.

I’m watching you, people.

Happy New Year!

20
Jul
09

Backwards Weekend

TEDx

Yesterday. I showed up around nine to a roomful of people I didn’t recognize. Then Sinidu showed up and gave me my free ticket. So I found myself an uncomfortable metal chair and sat. Turned out Celestial Dream was sitting n front of me. According to St. Fallen who came in later she was wearing an interesting top. But anyway,

Most of the speakers were interesting, whereas some were dead boring.They also showed some TED videos from the site. Interesting bits were meeting the pavementleaf and some woman I thought was T.

There was some woman there, with sunglasses perched atop her head. Fallen, for some reason, thought that was a clear sign that it was T. Apparently T is a beach person. Apparently beach people wear sunglasses everywhere. Gehan wears sunglasses. He’s in kandy. Didn’t realize Sri Lanka was half submerged in the sea.

So I dramatically turn, point at her and go “AHA!”. She stares, looks away. I look back at Fallen. He laughs. I look back at the woman, mumble something like “You’re not tea are you? I’msorrymistakethisguy…..”, and then elbow Fallen. In the stomach. Cow.

Being stared at as if you were a druggie on the street is not fun. Hitting fallen is.

Met Rannelee there too. She waved at me frantically while I was on the phone, leaving me wondering who the hell it was. She gets a link because she bought us juice after the thing from roots. Everyone is advised to ask her for things when first meeting.

Sabby’s Place

Went over to wreak havoc. Wreaked very little. Just threw a few pillows around, splattered wine on a wall and ambled out in the evening. Also managed to get @hijinx to log into TweetDeck and throw a few tweets around. @sabbyaz deleted all the tweets I made on her account. Hag. On the bright side she’s started a new blog.

Friday

Wanted a repeat of last Friday. Didn’t get it. Went to food court, waited, got donuts, off to burger king for dinner. Notably, papareboy pulled on whacko’s collar to see inside. I’m not kidding. He then goes “Oh I’m sorry, was just checking whether your chest was hairy”. Oh, that was all? All’s right then. WTF? That’s like going “Oh I was wondering if it would fit” after sticking your head up an elephant’s ass. After a satisfying dinner we were off home. No beach or anything :/

Went to rock.lk for the first time. Bad photoshops. The cons of pirated software. Why don’t all those bands just hire me to do all their album covers instead of that dude who’s called a graphic designer because he can take a face and slap in on a Llama?

Single again.

15
Jul
09

The End of the World + 200 Posts

Papareboy, in a fit of deranged-manic-prophecy telling, yammers on about the end of the world coming in 2012. He’s turning into quite the old woman these days…

Now do you see why I never link? Do you want people to see that I distort the truth horribly before posting? Foolish old woman.

Apparently the world is going to end because the Mayan calendar ends at 2012. Oh noes, a bunch of people who weren’t smart enough to fend off a bunch of Spaniards in funny looking hats don’t take the time to make a proper self-incrementing calendar say so. Boo hoo. As usual I have none of the facts, so I will just assume things. If they didn’t have the brains to live to see Transformers, they don’t have a say in anything. Simple as that. The benchmark of whether a civilization has any say in anything is whether they are alive to see Transformers the movie.

Tch. And you call yourself a civilization. Come back after you’ve discovered plastic and we might take notice of your poor excuses for calendars. Oh wait, you can’t, you’re dead. Too bad.

The last was my 200th post. I also have 1971 comments at last check. It’s frustrating when things don’t line up JUST right. It’s kind of like finding out you were swindled into buying a DVD re-winder. Well not exactly, but you get the gist of it. No, I’m not going to stop anytime soon either. Yes, carrying this burden is an arduous task, what with all of you hanging on my every word and sending me emails like

I <3 your blog man! Totally brightens up my day when I’m in a particularly emo mood! I think I would just die without you.

- Falling

Love your writing dude…! Awesome work, did u kno tat this is the only thing I have to look forward to up here in the hills here in Hollywood.

- Garry

EEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! *sqeeeaaallllll* OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG I love it! I’d DIE without it! EEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

- thepavementleaf

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I can’t believe I’m actually writing to you!!! OMG! This is like, sooo cool!!!

[edited for brevity]

- lowjinks

I have a confession to make. I love you. And I’m a girl.

- paparegirl

Many others were found but I published only those with names which I didn’t recognize.

:D

26
May
09

So, OM 2

Yeah, I’m making a second post. No reason, just to uh… clarify?

So there I sit, leaning against the wall, listening to some more poetry. Load up twitter. Eventually receive previously mentioned “BERRY!” text. Dread. Look around a bit, scanning the crowd. Can’t look at many faces for fear of some enraged harpy staring daggers at me.

See Gollum next to me, in a green shirt. He takes out phone. Nokia. The phone of choice for the dark forces. Forward Berry message to him, adding “Somewhere in this room is the person who sent me that message. She has the ring”. He looks around, drools. Fails. Never was much good at anything, that useless little $#&#^%!@#…

End of OM, walk over to whack. I’m wearing a _blue_ shirt. See him beckon, blah blah blah, DeeCee hobbles over, wearing many rings on fingers. Gollum goes crazy, starts tugging at her fingers, DC and Gollum locked in combat over toy ring gotten out of cereal box. Whack starts selling tickets to fight.

Dee kicks Gollum in the family jewels, escapes with horrendous looking scar on arm. Runs over St. Fallen in desperate getaway in car.

And THAT, my friends, is the true story of how your grandma met the president.

25
May
09

Dinner and of Stalling In The Act Of Deciding Where To Go After-Syndrome

Went for this kottu party thing a friend told me about yesterday. Met a hellava lot of people, half of who I can’t really remember.

A bunch of old friends and some new people.

Findings :

  • Dinidu De Alwis is schizophrenic. Do not believe his blog. Hell, I never read past more than four lines on his posts, afraid of getting lost in all the government this-government that. It was like that last level in a game that you’re just not sure you can play yet. The dude is insane. In a fun, good way.
  • I can keep talking about nothing in particular for a long time. Without any external stimulants. Unless kottu counts.

The minute I show up I see papareboy and who appeared to be his brother. I am later told that this other person was Mr. Alwis. I prepare myself for a night of listening to a constant newsreel like commentary on who was screwing(figuratively) whom in power/government/religion.

Well it was different. Again. First DC and now this guy. Even pavithri wasn’t doling out hugs, contrary to her tweetings and much to everyone’s chagrin. She called me mean. As if I could ever be anything less than gentlemanly. The only minor offenses I committed were asking The Puppeteer whether she wasn’t supposed to be in a kitchen somewhere and splashing water on a certain curly haired, sexually confused journalist.

It was a fun night.

Now, about SITAODWTG syndrome. We experienced this firsthand yesterday. Actually, we created it firsthand. The first hand coming from one of us who finally got around to saying ‘This is getting boring now, let’s move on to somewhere else”. Then a slew of other hands came in and stirred it up, mixing and kneading the question of “Wher to go?” into “So yeah, I’m fine with anything. You tell us.”. And so everyone was fine with anyplace, except the place we were already in. That’s not to say anybody could’ve just suggested a location and everyone would have agreed. Not so simple. It has to be a place that’s interesting enough. We SAY we’re willing, but we just want someone to magically read our minds and gauge our mood for a suitable location.

We were undecided for a few hours.

EDIT : Retitled due to gehan thinking it was a meetup of everyone on kottu.org, and not the actual… food. Yes, laugh at him, people.

23
May
09

Open Mic

Went for last Thursday’s Open Mic. After a lot of hullabaloo about the war, celebrations for ending of said war and some other stuff about st. fallen’s suicidal tendencies being brought out through a ‘poem’ about glasses full and half full of poison, I recieved a text.

A strange text. From a strange number.

A text with a single word in it.

A word that made me jump. A word that took me by the scruf of the neck, pushed me against the wall and said, ‘I’m female’.

‘Berry!’

I look around the room. A sea of faces in an ocean of… attentiveness? I’m not too sure. What with getting linked on the great RD’s blog, I feel like I’m expected to come up with ‘sophisticated’ one liners and put downs every other line. It’s quite taxing. Almost drains you of anything funny you had to start with.

Since Delilah seems to be the most frequent offender for usage of that word, I wonder if she’s around. Log onto twitter. See if anybody is on who’s been mobile tweeting. Nothing of interest. Strange. Nothing much of interest after that till-

After it was over, Mr Whackster beckons to someone in a manner saying ‘Come aney, he’s not going to bite you’. Somebody comes. Somebody is introduced as Delilah. I go D: . Then somebody else grins, not Delilah. DeeCee! And er… I’m sorry, I can’t live up to your ‘Be all sarcastic and make me look all…’. I just can’t. There’s nothing to write. A few seconds of exposure just doesn’t give me enough to go on, especially when you’re about as interactive as a wall, and not a revolving, hidden door-sy wall. Suffice to say, she was… different.

After that and after a brief ride in the whackmobile, I was off home. All in all it was pretty good. Fallen says it was the best we ever had. I’ll take his word for it.

Speaking of ‘Best I ever Had’, I finally heard Gehan singing. Yes, just yesterday. And… he was pretty good.

There. A coompliment. A real compliment.

See? Miracles _do_ happen :P

19
May
09

And then the sun shone through…

I’m sorry, that’s about all the dramatic-ity I can muster. The rest of my meager reserve was spent on walking up to an abandoned street stall in Borella and asking the old man there(See? Old man. Old. That has to be at least a little dramatic, right?) for a flag. Ever opportunistic, they still overcharged for it. Either way, there’s none left to expend on my already shaky writing.

It’s like living in a weird-everydays-christmas like place right now. At the moment I’m getting more or less the entirety of the president’s speech texted to me by the Daily Mirror news service. Firecrackers going off sporadically. People on the streets. I have to stay cooped up in here. I wanna go wave a few flags, dammit! I have the right to wrestle with some old lady for a prime spot by the pavement to grin at passing vehicles!

I will arm myself with a keyboard instead.

*wave
*shove

It just. Doesn’t. Feel. The. Same.

The fighting’s all over. People keep asking what we’re going to talk about now. As if there isn’t enough to talk about now that people have stopped getting their legs whipped out from under them by a mean man named claymore. What do you think people in other countries talk about? India didn’t get that highly populated without a few solid conversation starters. And I doubt men in China went about with a Tiananmen square pickup line.

Go back to the default topics. These are for males. Slightly alter and you get females.

  • Small children – Toys/starring in America’s Funniest Home Videos
  • Teenagers – Females
  • Young men – Work/Females
  • Middle age – Family/Work/Starring in America’s Funniest Home Videos
  • Seniors – Females

For women, just replace “females” with “shoes”.

I mean, I can’t remember the last time I talked about the war. Save for the getting flag bit, it never came up in conversation for at least a few weeks.

WOOO!!!! Tomorrow is a national holiday!
:D

I have to go rejoice! Will finish this post later. I hope.

30
Apr
09

Vacation Pics

I was looking through the pictures I’d taken and realized that there wasn’t much that wasn’t either a personal picture or wedding stuff. Nothing with too much tourist-ey appeal. So no pictures for you. Only the sweet treacle of my words will have to do. Yes I know, it’s hard, but the pain will fade soon. It’s okay. *pat *pat

Anyway, Sabby’s “bloggy”‘s been taken off. In between all the cries of protest and the thousands of bouquets being dropped at her doorstep, I’m sure she’ll eventually come to realize that she _should_ have dedicated a post to me back when she still had it. Oh and also that lots of people liked the blog. It’ll be weird not having you around to call me a kid and throw a wet blanket on everything I say. Hope you achieve what you want from it’s removal.

In ozzer news, I’ve stopped using the “——-” dividers so that _some people_ stay away from them because I use em. I mean, come on. It’s like a sandwitch half eaten by Obama. It’s a celebrity divider now. I will be posting it on eBay as soon as I figure out how.

Yet again I forgot to transfer that pic of me eating lays off my phone before coming to work. Oh well, content for the next post.

ALSO, should I add one of those chatbox thingys?

P.S. – Sabby, knew you wouldn’t mind so I took the liberty of putting your past posts up for sale. Took em off Reader :D Everyone, posts with >10 comments start at 10$ a pop, the others are 7$. Start the bidding in the comments :P

21
Mar
09

Last Thursday, and thoughts.

Went to see the open mic thing thursday. Now I have this overwhelming urge to write something epic, just to go read it in front of the audience. Problem is, I have nothing epic to say. As I sit here, gnawing at a rubbery jam-paang for breakfast, and wondering if the jam bit of it has done a runner down to my lap, my mind races looking for suitable subjects to write a groundbreaking piece on that just confirms what everyone knows already anyway. I imagine writing of how the singhalese call me a tamil and how the tamils call me a singhalese, but that would be mostly fictitious. Sri Lankans to whom I belong, are generally a tolerant lot, at least in my experience. Personally I’ve only come across a few black sheep who shamelessly throw racism around. Should I shamelessly rip off meese(heese? yous?) and elaborate on how people form into their own ‘gangs’ at open mic, and rarely ever mingle around. Nah, too obvious. But then, stating the obvious gets you brownie points too, if you make it rhyme.

But I guess I just live a life that’s too… uninteresting, to have much of interest to say. I’m the dude who rides the footboard at times, but has a walkman blaring in his ears blocking out all noise. That guy who walks through Pettah with a Terry Pratchett in hand, reading the book instead of staring out at the world when on a bus. Hell, even _I_ can’t remember half the posts I put up here. Hence, I have taken the decision to rename this to ‘A very philosophical mind with overtones on war, sex, food and glow-in-the-dark-condoms, not necessarily in that order”. Hopefully that will stri my mind into deep thought mode. Then I will quote scripture at you till one of you goes “OMG dood you shud totalleh read this out at the next opahn mike!!”. I await your response.

All in all it was pretty interesting. Walk in with a bunch and I’m immediately struck by the resemblance to a hippie siesta session or something. Only things missing were the dudes idly strumming the guitars. Oh wait. I walked in expecting it to be some kind of “Hi, I’m Jerry and I’m a blogger *chorus of ‘Hi Jerrrrryyyy….’*” thing, but it was not to be so. We just walked all the way to the back where the rest of the bloggers I knew were gathered round. I slowly put away my laminated ID card with Name and blog title on it. What?

With regards to the actual listening bit, I must confess to having paid scant attention to those who went up to the mic to deliver their words of wisdom, or stupidity, depending on which side you’re on. The funny bits immediately attracted my attention due to everyone suddenly looking in that general direction. The rest of it, I only caught snatches of. Unless it was someone I knew in which case I automatically paid attention, further enforcing the ‘group’ thing. I guess it’s just that people listen to what they’re interested in. If your text sucks, too bad, go read it to someone who cares maybe. Fact is, if the content read out is interesting enough, people pay attention.

Fortunately or unfortunately, again depending on which side you’re on, I only managed to plaster faces on three people. In between automatically going “hiya” at a pointy haired dude who was hustling the croud at the back(Who just stared blankly for a second and looked away), having a particularly anal-about-acronyms rhymer pointed out to me(Yes ladies, this poet is one sexy beast) and bumping into someone who looks nothing like their caricature(Whoever drew that thing at the top of your blog must have been blained. No offense, ‘allartisworthless’), I managed to tag biggie Mr. Ca himself, St.ROFL and MiddleChild.

Oh, Finally found out what the arrack thing was. Only a bottle of paint thinner and a few cockroaches short of kasippu ;)

Shifted office to a different place. Now we’re smack across the road from a cluster of international schools. It’s a little annoying when the parents of some muslim girls school stare at you as if you slapped them on the asses or something. I didn’t realize the pavement was off limits to penis holders.

Mom’s off to India again to help prepare for a wedding. Since the rest of us are mere helpless children at organizing weddings, we’ll be setting off a couple of weeks later. Till then it’s back to scavenging what food there is in the kitchen. This is also the reason for the jam-paang breakfast.

Life’s good. Really good. Never realized people more awesome than me existed. Apparently there IS someone. I am torn between staring aghast at my wounded, limping pride and worshiping at the altar of awesomeness that is… SOMEONE. In the end I resign myself to just constantly being happy, jubilant even. Stuff that happens in movies really does happen sometimes, it seems. Doesn’t seem like such a bad deal when you look at it. Not a bad deal at all. And I just realized how weird it is writing this up here. Even this, stripped down, barebones acknowledgment of smitten-ness.

And no, it’s not Gehan.






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