03
Jun
09

Guest post

Hello my dear readers! πŸ™‚ I am sure you remember me. I usually call myself ‘That sarcastic bastard’, even though sarcasm is as alien to me as bathing is to Robert Pattinson. Sarcasm is just something that happens to other people. I am back(again) and making a guest post on this Jester aka Jerry’s blog. Because I am a sly fox and will hack your computer’s grandmother. I will sly my way into your personal data and then rape it and kill it and then make love to the body before storing it in a giant vat to use as fuel for my bullshit generator. Did you really think I made all that up myself? Silly bugger. Bugger off.

Me and my CISCO certified friend dedicate most of our day to googling you and finding stock photo models that look vaguely alike. Really, we do not have anything else to do. That poor sod Nibras Bawa doesn’t even know I use his name. What a silly fool. He can bugger off too.

I am a creative genius. That is why all my blog headers look like they were made in MS Paint. By a 12 year old. It is the new wave, you lesser beings don’t understand. My mind is a buzzing beehive full of honey. I mean activity. NB is a smart bugger. He knows how to learn things like how to hack and molest blogger to make people not be able to right click. I’m so smart I decide to just steal code from someone else. I’m sure nobody will check the source on the site, or disable javascript. I am so samrt, that I copy popular Urdu poetry of the variety 13 year old girls in India text to each other and post it on my blog to seem real intelligent and worldly because I am a maniac who prefers a walrus to a watermelon stuck on the pole of a prince of Egypt.

Bend to my will, or I will hack your IP with my supar dooper dagger computer with quantum holes and carrot sticks and find out where you work, your address, your mother’s maiden name and boo hoo I have mommy issues! I give you 128 hours to… delete your blog! Your blog is a disgrace to all Bawaness so you will suffer the consequences! You do not know the wrath of the brass. But I am a peaceful man now. So I will not hack your booty. But I will if you force me by continuing to write a blog that is actually interesting to read, and not a steaming pile of guano, constantly being built on by my fictional family. Yes, I do indeed have lists of the people I tell you about just to keep track of the lies. You must feel so stupid now ah?

So now I have a few leftover pictures and I’m itching to post them. Let me introduce my geniusly-named/stolen-named blog of chillichocolate! I am so cool for thinking of a name that is so bittersweet! I will get sympathy and soon I will be feelgood sensation of the year! Just like my mommy wanted! All my classmates will finally be proud of me and not beat me up everyday behind the canteen. I hope.

Happy day everyone πŸ™‚

Yours Truly,
Neanderthal Booruwa

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