When the light buzzes

…the vibration causes the water to scream. Much like a penguin in a horror flick braying for it’s owner to come see the light, but this light does not vibrate. It slowly seeps into the grass on the ceiling that makes the inhabitants of the floor shudder in green. When the shudder stops the rudder moves, just a bit, as it it was hit by a pebble flying through the ocean after being spat out by a catfish. Speaking of cats, bobcats roam the wilderness of the paperclip holder looking for metal braces for their teeth, pushed out of place by bones in scones they were not meant to eat. But these scones were different. They were air dropped from a passing moon for the benefit of all the lepers on the ozone layer to throw at the lower things that roamed below in the desert. But what is a desert but a mousse, whipped to perfection by the gods of reflection. This reflection is what is seen on shop windows selling quantum clothing, that which is dirty and clean at the same time. The wearers of these clothes, quantum computers were made by ants in a faraway temple in the mountains, which was so cold the sun would shrivel up and live see another night. Goblins tore the clothes apart so that you and I could finally triumph over the evil of the construction calendars which one day roamed mars. Then again triumph is but only underwear. Can underwear battle the demons of MP3? Chinaware from China might work but genuine underwear from down under might work incognito. Going incognito requires you to scrape the trench coat of eternal defragmentation off the wall on which earphones write their model numbers. In roman numerals, of course. Since the time of Julius Caesar, desecrator of the great dictionary toting sixteenth army of big wall. No Berlin wall was to defend against the attack. The great wall was tripped up too. They went forward, ate the jelly and fell in the arms of the Popsicles. Ice cream was spurned. It reacted, violently. All were slaughtered by the unending torrent of fire trucks thrown by the escaping bread pudding, content to be eaten another day. The next day came, and refused to leave. It stretched itself so thin the whiskers on it’s nose were tingling with the pain of being married to a bottle opener. Many were the casualties.

The Update Post button won.



73 Responses to “When the light buzzes”

  1. June 16, 2009 at 11:21 am

    Sensible analysis of the progeny of the great flood that destroyed the person involved in the humane art of grass cutting.

  2. June 16, 2009 at 2:37 pm

    actuallty i prefer it shredded, or consequently absorbed into a plate of broiled eggs

  3. June 16, 2009 at 3:24 pm

    thank you, and while you’re at it could you see that the universe accomodates more beta fields to balance out the chemical voids caused by too many male chrysanthemums?

  4. June 16, 2009 at 4:26 pm

    agreed, although they drink tea first

  5. June 16, 2009 at 4:46 pm

    and your gramatically accurateness; it is viably cover driven

  6. June 16, 2009 at 4:57 pm

    black and deckers are pots and pans but were they if and ans and no tinkers? will the mysteries never cease

  7. June 16, 2009 at 5:14 pm

    you don’t mean IC Borges? not IC Borges!

  8. June 16, 2009 at 6:04 pm

    hold your neutron intensifier! have you thought of the consequences to the apple basket?

  9. June 17, 2009 at 9:31 am

    good morning, this is your captain speaking, we’ll be crash landing in the Baltic in five minutes. Keep an eye out for the spot bellied carp, a regional rarity.

  10. 21 hijinx
    June 17, 2009 at 4:43 pm

    Why is it not accepting my comment about the gobbling green gluttermonsters.. or wait. did it? ok so they weren’t gluttermonsters, they were merely glassblowers, but the world should be very afraid.

  11. June 17, 2009 at 5:25 pm

    a toothpick covered in laugher? oh no! we are all doomed..

  12. June 18, 2009 at 9:35 am

    the party started started a party with the zombies and they didnt want to stop

  13. 27 hijinx
    June 18, 2009 at 2:09 pm

    much consternation amongst the parrymaniacs caused an overflow in the logical thought processes of the pensive civilisation of parryphobes :S

  14. 29 hijinx
    June 18, 2009 at 5:01 pm

    The slinky slingbacks insisted vociferously that the parrymaniacs be hived,leading to the conclusion that they can’t be blamed for ignoring the gravity gun amongst the profusion of pestilential products. Meals may have been macerated.

  15. June 18, 2009 at 5:47 pm

    if i may interject, the standards committee insists that there was no malpractice involved in the expurgation of the 12th cordon of maggie noodles.

  16. June 18, 2009 at 6:02 pm

    But the gravity gun MUST be allowed, for the palestinians cannot flip the switch to disco without it. All greens are going into the tires of monotony.

  17. June 18, 2009 at 10:53 pm

    fry the potatoes now! the bees are coming

  18. 34 hijinx
    June 19, 2009 at 9:25 am

    fancy-pants found no reason to be the one pondering the need for marsupial machinations to defenstrate the hobbit.

  19. 35 hijinx
    June 19, 2009 at 9:27 am

    Also, the Bermuda Beach Bees are a brilliant water polo team. They made the walrus very pleasantly complaisant.

  20. 37 hijinx
    June 19, 2009 at 9:47 am

    Ah.. but fancy-pants are the reigning monarch of all pants.. they out-pants pants. Reveries welcome demonic ministrations to little plastic Einsteins.

  21. June 19, 2009 at 10:04 am

    according to freud pants are a symptom of false modesty brought upon by a misconception of the ID

  22. June 19, 2009 at 11:52 am

    But onthe other hand Carl Jung was an expert on the inner sanctity of the mind of your average rabid mountain goat

  23. June 19, 2009 at 11:56 am

    peanuts be yummilicious! especially the devilled ones. But speaking of bedevilment – that how you spell it? – Brownian motion in teacups has successfully been used to predict the outcome of lovelives.. you wanna know?

  24. June 19, 2009 at 12:13 pm

    Surely you mean rapid mountain goats? Storms in teacups cannot for the life of them render anything more complex than 12 polygons. Writing implements are required for further skydiving.

  25. 44 hijinx
    June 19, 2009 at 3:05 pm

    No they were post-palantine kids.The line between the polygons is blurred, they are evolving into a semi-conscious species with multiple integrative capacity. Less flying through the air on a paper bicycle is known to create comfort.

  26. June 19, 2009 at 3:54 pm

    just this minute, there are five people dying in the forests of northern congo from the arrows of yet another undiscovered cannibal tribe who like their food dead.

  27. 46 hijinx
    June 19, 2009 at 4:09 pm

    Those five are felons evicted from the tribe whose matriarch was renowned for having soft cannibals served up as desert to visiting feudal lords.

  28. June 19, 2009 at 4:40 pm

    I have five fingers on my hands, but they are fingers only in the computational sense of pen-holder ethics in the medieval world.

  29. June 19, 2009 at 5:40 pm

    there are secrets to learned from pencil heads, but you have to be quick or they will prick you in the eye.

  30. 49 hijinx
    June 22, 2009 at 10:31 am

    The expansion of the universal joint is generally inversely proportional to the number of pencil heads lined up in a binary sequence.

  31. June 22, 2009 at 10:36 am

    But more likely is the compression of a head on a stick to reveal to us the complexities of frontier life.

    It is hard, giving your all to a fur filled bucket.

  32. 51 hijinx
    June 22, 2009 at 10:43 am

    Having eggs for breakfast, while unlikely to increase skin-fur proportions, indubitably imapcts illustrious insulation.

  33. June 22, 2009 at 10:57 am

    Impact hammers or unreal modders, neither of which are real fodder.

  34. June 22, 2009 at 10:48 pm

    a hummer is said to have a magnet of impacts that fill the fumbling ants with dread lest they miss getting caught inbeetween the grooves of the tyre tread

  35. June 23, 2009 at 9:12 am

    But the goal of life is to be in between the tire threads, and not tumbling about between a tire and a hard place.

  36. June 23, 2009 at 9:27 am

    the goal of life is death

  37. June 23, 2009 at 10:08 am

    But death cannot be attained by mere fluctuations in thread length. It is to be gat only by fear of the known mangoes.

  38. June 23, 2009 at 11:39 am

    the known mangoes are but scant feed for the oiligopolists of concern. the banana feed market prospers among opressed indian turtles sub sahara

  39. June 23, 2009 at 12:16 pm

    Sahara as a movie was a wet dripping printer full of kandyan ink, almost as fresh as the bricks off an aztech temple.

  40. June 23, 2009 at 2:33 pm

    pprrrrtt bbzztt.. space transmission five five oh four five oh. is there anyone out there? i repeat is there anyone out there? the beans are getting yellow

  41. June 23, 2009 at 2:45 pm

    Space is an illegal operation. Send error report?

  42. June 23, 2009 at 2:50 pm

    error report error in opening error report internal sytrenmdds kmmd mal^*&_functionm.

  43. June 23, 2009 at 2:56 pm

    You are not the one. Neo will eat chocolate and go to hell for sins against Nokia.

    Restless In Peace.

  44. 64 hijinx
    June 24, 2009 at 9:11 am

    Nokia is but a tyrant, maiming the world by propounding philosophies of dependance and denial, deliberately destroying humanity’s hope of wholesomeness.

  45. June 24, 2009 at 9:17 am

    Humanity was eaten by a manatee while on vacation in Aruba.

  46. 66 hijinx
    June 24, 2009 at 9:33 am

    A manatee on an Arubian vacation is a sight to behold, especially when stuffed with humanity. Eat polar ice-apples.

  47. June 24, 2009 at 11:56 am

    or marmite and roast paang. mmmm..

  48. June 24, 2009 at 12:20 pm

    Or halape with a milky way inside.

    Yum yum, said the three tiered mongolian hotel.

  49. June 24, 2009 at 1:03 pm

    huang cheng was attila the hun’s. the first Mongolian restaurant in the universe

  50. June 24, 2009 at 1:14 pm

    Attilla was not a hun, he was a wrangler. Many were the galactic cows who feared death at the hands of a lettuce.

  51. June 24, 2009 at 3:40 pm

    Green peace! green piece! green piss

  52. June 24, 2009 at 3:53 pm

    Green is but am illusion left behind when red and blue wander off into the bushes.

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