01
Jul
09

My Country

Note that in the title, the emphasis is on ‘my’. I don’t want none of you fools thinking I’ve gone all 4th grade essay. I have not gone street grammar either, that ‘none’ up there was just for effect.

On my way to work I have to take three buses. It’s not a very winding route or anything, just a perfectly straight path. Along the Kandy road, then up along the Baseline road. I get a 138 from near home, get off about two minutes later, go to the main bus stop thing for a 154. I get into a waiting bus and pick a seat, usually at the rear. Today I chose the back seat. There was already a woman sitting in the corner away from the door so I sat in the middle. The opposite corner, I knew, would expose me to the rising morning sun. I had quite enough vitamin D as it is. What with crazed parents and siblings telling me it’s good for the skin, most of my formative school years were spent in the sun, turning a deep… whatever it is my skin colour is. But I did move slightly towards the offending corner, just to make sure the female opposite wouldn’t feel crowded or anything.

You see, an unspoken rule of the bus is that you position yourself according to the space available on the bus. If it is completely empty save for a single person, you would do well to stay at the opposite end. Especially if it is a woman. If it is a woman, you would do well not to get into the bus. Instead, you must follow it in a different bus and make sure that the conductor acts decently towards her.

But we are straying from the story.

I sat down, and started bastardizing twitter with chat replying to tweets. After a grand total of 3 minutes the bus starts moving. I look around and all the seats are taken. There was a small space between me and the dude next to me. At the next stop, a skinny dude gets on, motions to the man next to me to move over a bit, squeezes himself into the gap and sits at the edge of the seat. He crosses his legs. I put on my headphones, go back to reading. The next stop, a dude with a rabaana gets on. Starts playing. I turn the volume up.

The next stop. Passes by. Some dude starts ringing the bell just after the bus passes it. Conductor yells at him. He yells at conductor. Something along the lines of –

Conductor : Stop ringing the bell, insolent rat.
Passenger : I’ll get off whenever I want to, bus stop nazi!
C : [Insult]
P : [Counter Insult]
C : [Reference to disrespecting public services]
P : [Pointing out that C is an asshole]
C : [Reference to P’s mom’s circumference]
P : [Jumps off bus while saying something about sticking things in strange places]

Then the conductor stares, flabbergasted, at us. Nobody says flabbergasted enough these days. Flabbergasted.

Conductor looks imploringly at us and asks “Kisi ugathkamak naha mee lamayta”. I won’t translate. We just nod stupidly. He keeps asking us things about the state of today’s youth, what colour his rice will be today and whether he looks good in a tux. We all agree wholeheartedly. The whole backseat is transformed into the conservative media.

Eventually I get off at Borella. Wait for a 103. Get in, sit down. Get off.

Work.

And that is a normal morning over here on this patch of earth. Awesome.

PS : Yet again, most is not to be taken seriously. If you needed to read this to get it, you’re an idiot.

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20 Responses to “My Country”


  1. July 1, 2009 at 12:29 pm

    How much of this did you have to make up? :p

    Good post, man.

  2. July 1, 2009 at 12:39 pm

    why are you so paranoid abt people getting you wrong? Its the tux wasnt it? πŸ˜€

  3. July 1, 2009 at 1:17 pm

    I don’t get it?! *

    *looks imploringly at Jerry*

    *Kidding – don’t look so flabbergasted! πŸ˜›

  4. 6 Chavie
    July 1, 2009 at 2:12 pm

    what has a bus ride gotta do with your country? πŸ˜•

    and isn’t it funny that bus 2 bus routes have the 138 number? why they couldn’t change it to something else escapes me… πŸ˜•

    also: dude who rang the bell is an asshole! should’ve thrown him out of the moving bus… πŸ˜‰

    p.s: that skinny dude was me… I’m stalking you these days… insure your kidneys! πŸ˜‰ muhahaha

  5. July 1, 2009 at 2:21 pm

    @scrump
    *is flabbergasted πŸ˜€

    @chavie
    I know, weird thing is, I take both πŸ˜€
    He DID seem to have vacant look in his eye. Yes, eye. I poked his other one out πŸ˜›

  6. 10 Chavie
    July 1, 2009 at 3:09 pm

    ouch! πŸ˜€ I guess that’s why I’m doing πŸ˜‰ <- that! πŸ˜€

  7. July 1, 2009 at 3:27 pm

    but you still managed to make me read it! πŸ˜›

    nice post actually… until the ending…:)

  8. July 1, 2009 at 3:45 pm

    @chavie
    πŸ˜›

    @LD
    What’s wrong with the ending? :s

  9. July 1, 2009 at 6:57 pm

    okayish post. u make me laugh πŸ˜€

  10. July 1, 2009 at 9:46 pm

    Hmm….I’ve also been told stuff by the C after he argues with someone…I don’t understand most of the swear words or anything that he talks, so I just nod my head understandingly and say ‘ou ne’ once in a while…works like a charm!

    Bus drivers are getting whackier and whackier nowadays….I’m starting to go nuts…it’s because the 155s, which genreally are the slowest buses around, are just driving like Michael Schumacher..same with the 176s and the 138s…

    Man, I’ll let you in on one thing, Jerry. These 176, 155 and 138 bus drivers are fucking talented. I mean, how the fuck can you actually swerve around 2-lane roads with at least 30 ppl inside? Could you or I do that? NO!

    We should send these fuckers to F1! They would do the Lion flag proud!!! :))

  11. 15 Cadence
    July 1, 2009 at 10:38 pm

    So this is what u do whilst pretending to tweet and listen to music :O

    Eavesdropper-whatever-u-may-call-it-tterer!!!!

  12. July 2, 2009 at 10:57 am

    @MC
    Okayish?! OKAYISH?!
    :O

    @CT
    I know man, and those are gumongous vehicles! It takes real skill to do that. Or just no fear of death.
    πŸ˜€

    @Cadence
    What? He was talking at us. Which includes me πŸ˜›

  13. July 2, 2009 at 2:10 pm

    Dude, here’s a tag. DON’T try to escape.
    πŸ˜›


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