Big Robot Balls

Watched Transformers on Sunday. Tagging along were Gehan, Sabby, Fallen, Hijinx and Gehan’s brother. I can safely say that fallen causes more drama than that which is in the movie by just appearing somewhere. Which is exactly the way it should be. Whacko’s already written about the movie but I’ll pretend it doesn’t exist and say the same things over again.

Once settled in, we were treated to yet another explosive start, just like the first movie. The military, with the aid of our heroes, the autobots, were taking down some random decepticon which had turned itself into a gigantic bicycle. A bicycle? Really? All the others get cool things like F-16’s, batmobiles and hot chicks but this guy becomes a giant hulking bicycle. Probably had a little bell and a ribbon tied to the handle too. Maybe he missed out on the pointers saying what was cool and what was Mary Poppins from the first movie. Way to go, Mr. I-didn’t-get-the-last-memo.

After about an hour or so of robots beating up other robots, Fallen pointed out that this was a brilliant way to showcase all the violence you wanted in a movie. Since there’s no blood, and they’re just robots, they can do whatever they want to each other, and they did. Bumblebee tearing out that tiger thing’s spine or Optimus tearing some random bot a new one could not have been shown on anything less than rated R if it were in human. We also noted that gigantic robotic cojones were banging together jovially like a bad porno.

Some people were complaining about a plot or something. This is Transformers, not a generic-as-vanilla Dan Brown book. Remember the figures? The toys? Remember making up your own story as you go along? They usually just involved “That thing is evil. Let us go destroy that thing by banging you against it”. The ‘thing’ is usually another toy, an adult’s foot, a pet or your sister’s dolls. Who cares about the plot in the movie as long as they beat themselves up, in glorious CG? Call me shallow but I am easily entertained by giant robots blowing things up and Megan Fox just… being. She doesn’t need to act. She just has to be in the shot for it to be engrossing.

My brain conveniently ignored the walking talking slow motion explosion prop that is Sam. Michael Bay lost his sense of sanity for a bit while making this movie and actually wanted Shia LeDouche to talk. Maybe to offset the sheer awesomeness of giant robots killing each other.

The military units were also a mystery. Why they were there, what hey were doing, why were they so american? Nobody knows. Only thing we know for sure is that shooting at a decepticon is about as effective as blowing kisses at Godzilla. Most humans in the movie were just charcoal waiting to happen.

All in all, the movie was a brilliant watch. Optimus finally gets badass and grows some ba wings, and megatron lives to plot another day. Fallen also died, but only the onscreen one. The regular, not-of-any-particular-interest Fallen just kept snickering each time the fallen one was mentioned. Gehan kept looking at me each time Megan Fox came on, for reasons best known to him. Sabby was bored throughout, being female.

Also, I have now instituted a new insult – “Female”. All the negativity of sexism, and minus all the coolness of being male rolled up into one word.


Gehan – http://darksidedaily.blogspot.com/
Sabby – formerly of sabbyaz.blogspot.com, now merely twittering
Fallen – http://www.fallenfootwear.com/
Hijinx – http://dancingwithd.blogspot.com/
Gehan’s Brother – Of Kandy

Supporting Cast
The WhacksteR – http://thewhacksterslair.blogspot.com

Based on real life events that took place on the 5th of July, 2009.

7 Responses to “Big Robot Balls”

  1. 1 Sabby
    July 7, 2009 at 2:31 pm

    Is it sad that this post had me in giggles? =)

  2. July 7, 2009 at 3:57 pm

    keyboard? couldnt you have made me lead guitar or something

  3. July 9, 2009 at 1:45 pm

    now this justifies your blogged.com rating 😛
    good post, though it would’ve been great if you mentioned me going “that’s me” and pointing at The Fallen.
    and me? drama?
    WATEHFA!? :S

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