Being at work right now is like being in your very own little… I don’t know. I sit here, imagine the PC talking to me. I don’t speak binary so I don’t even know what it’s telling me. It’s like hearing the message tone going off repeatedly on your phone when your display is busted.

I lean back in my chair, slide down. Let my head hang over the back. Staring at the ceiling, I see wood paneling. Kinda smallish room I’m in. About the size of a bedroom. Which is not surprising considering this is a house and this used to be one. A bedroom. Not a house. It’s in a house, but it’s just a room. A house inside a house is a dollhouse. I do not work in a dollhouse.

The wood paneling seems warped in some places. It’s been maintained as well as it could have been, but this building must be nearing 20 years on the ground now. It’s looking young for it’s age. She’s looking young for her age. Every inanimate object that gets a gender is female. Ships, cars, gehan etc etc.

She. She was looking at me. I simply said ‘female’. She, the wooden ceiling, looked at me through the lines in her wood paneling. I imagined termites eating the insides. Rise against! “The surface shines, while the inside rots“. And i again called her female. I am honing that into my harshest swear word. You get called female by me, you better go hang yourself out of shame. It, She looks at me again.

And while I watched, she slowly reached out one wooden plank towards me. I sat, mesmerized by her pattern of lines. The plank slowly curved towards me.  My PC started shouting frantically. He might as well have been saying  “My carrots of splendor are pencils for a phantom” for all I understood.

The plank finally reached my neck. It was a nice plank. Varnished on one side and what I think was some special coating to keep out bugs on the other. No termites for this one. I looked at her tip. I said “Nice rack”, while glancing at the row of nails shot through her. This seemed to infuriate her. I couldn’t imagine why. Again, females. A compliment is a compliment. A sexist is a sexist. Am I one? She wanted to answer me, I could tell. I could see it in her eyes if she had any. She didn’t have a mouth either so she couldn’t tell me herself. But I knew. Females always do. Female, I taunted.  This drove her mad. Vibrating like a rattle, making creaking noises from all over, she lunged and wrapped herself round my neck. Any other female and I would have been quite happy. Just my luck to get the kind that has splinters.

At this point it hits me. Not the female, the realization that I was about to be strangled. By a plank. What the hell was going on? What’ll they say in my obituary? Killed by a girl? “Boy strangled to death by dead offended female tree”. That’s three adjectives more than I’ll have on my grave. I don’t know why I noted that. Get a grip man! I am about to disappear. Vision fades slightly. Her grip tightens. I shake in my chair.

Then a spark. Like lightning, but on a much smaller scale. A spark. I don’t know where it came from, but I think it was from my monitor. There’s a little black spot on it now. But the spark struck her. Struck her and burned her. She is charcoal now. My PC smote my killer. She is now deader than most dead wood. I gasp, and look at my PC. The screen has gone blank. I am saddened, thinking it sacrificed itself for me. Then the screen flickers on. Then fills with white. Two words appear on it.

Times New Roman screams at me,

“You Female”.


11 Responses to “Boredom”

  1. 1 rannelee
    July 23, 2009 at 1:47 pm

    LOL this is really funny.. i mean it LOL

  2. July 23, 2009 at 2:07 pm

    Female. :p
    Now get back to work.

    Good post by the way.

  3. 5 T
    July 23, 2009 at 2:16 pm

    you’re a strange little boy.

  4. July 23, 2009 at 3:08 pm

    lol..u R jobless!

    that was really funny! 🙂

  5. 8 chathuraw
    July 23, 2009 at 7:56 pm

    Hahaha…. Nice one…

    Female 😛

  6. July 23, 2009 at 8:47 pm

    waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too much time on your hands, man 😛
    and my phone display is busted 😦

    good post though
    completely different to your usual stuff, for a second I thought Whacko wrote it O_o

  7. July 23, 2009 at 11:05 pm

    I worry about you sometimes.

  8. July 24, 2009 at 9:23 am

    Thanks, I know 😀

    And why not? :p

    You can’t use MY insult against ME, fool 😛

    Oh reahllay? I am pahfektly nowhmal.

    See PB’s comment 😛

    @LD, Chathura
    Thanks, and no. Mere boredom…

    But I wrote a post like this a while back too. Rem the pop up thing?

    awww really? I’m touched.
    Female 😛

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