Yes, I know, really gripping title.

Was on my way back from work yesterday. T’was at Boralle. I had just stepped out of an eating establishment with a Minute Maid rolling around inside me. It was orange. It was not a real maid. It was a drink. I am not comfortable with a maid rolling inside me. Whatever that may be.

The bus rolls up. I look at it. It’s headlights look at me, accusingly. I’ve seen your kind before, it looks. I walk defiantly up to it, grasp the bar on the door frame and step up. Beyond that aluminium clad portal I found madness. Chaos. Mindlessness. A pin-up of a giggling baby.

I push through the sunday pola‘s worth of people in the bus and end up a few inches away from the door. I squeeze through a battalion. Now at the second seat from the front. I got in at the front.

Wedge myself between a young lady and an old man. I take care not to lean into the lady.

The bus, it moves. The engine roared out a beat to compensate for the silence of the rubber tires. I grit my teeth, my face set in a frown. I increase the volume on Take On Me Disturbed. The old man is soon replaced by yet another young lady. So I am corralled in by two females. Never a good thing. I start to fear for my life. I manage to hold on to the overhead bars and maintain about an inch of separation from both of them. But after just a few minutes the latecomer cannonballs into me after a particularly quick acceleration. Fervent praying might have been heard from somewhere with key phrases such as “I didn’t do anything, it was she who crashed into me! I’m too young to have a footwear logo stamped to my face”.

But she does nothing. She just stays there. As I was wondering why she wasn’t moving, and appeared to be almost leaning on me, the bus braked. As sure as hijinx and orange bras, the young lady who I was not in contact with bumped into me. Perfectly still, I remained. Looking straight ahead, out the bus with a look of complete neutrality on my face.

A drop of sweat trickled down my brow.

The young lady who had just bumped into me(A) turned to look up at me with a frown. I could see this through the corner of my eye and I was terrified. She was one of them. The warrior princess types. I twitched ever so slightly in her direction. Yep, Xena handbag. I could almost see the shuriken poking out the top. Straining while holding the bars against all the people pushing at me, I managed to hold back the other young lady(B) who was leaning on me. It was as if she wanted A and me to be bonding or something. With the kind of force she was exerting, with what appeared to be a whole rugby team behind her, we could practically form chemical bonds. I was wondering when my skin would suddenly go solid gold or something.

After what seemed like an eternity of bracing myself against the mob of people seemingly plotting and conspiring to get me to dry-hump young lady A and maintaining a precious centimeter of separation, during the course of which my arms lost feeling, she turned away and more or less walked back into me. Then she proceeds to grind against me while doing a kind of spice girl impression trying to get her handbag out from the overhead bag rack thing.

This was more mystifying to me than the size of the universe. What made God make Epson Printers. What makes papareboy’s hair stand out so much. The mysteries of the universe.

After just a few minutes of this she pushes past me and gets off the bus, leaving me stupefied.


19 Responses to “Busorama”

  1. August 13, 2009 at 3:32 pm

    How come you didn’t check her cleavage out for bombs this time? :p

    Also, “I was wondering when my skin would suddenly go solid or something”

    What’s your skin now? Liquid? 😀

  2. 5 Sabby
    August 13, 2009 at 3:35 pm

    Also, Jerry….you are the boy Mummy’s warn their little girls of =P

  3. August 13, 2009 at 3:37 pm

    Also… Bus Jackson! 😀

  4. 11 Delilah
    August 13, 2009 at 4:58 pm

    pervy berry

  5. August 13, 2009 at 4:59 pm

    finally back into form!
    good post (:
    how come I have better luck with women on buses than you? 😛

  6. 17 ahem
    August 13, 2009 at 7:55 pm

    what, can’t a girl have some fun? 🙂

  7. August 14, 2009 at 11:10 am

    You’re too skinny for anything to happen.

    No 😛


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