An Open Letter to the Temple Near My House

Please go DIAF.

When I lay myself down on my bed after switching off the lights, I mean to sleep. So do most other people on weekdays. I apologize if 11pm seems terribly early to go to sleep to you, but that is how it is with me. I like sleeping at night. I am strange like that.

It might not occur to you that the noises you broadcast through your strategically placed speakers can only be best described as a gang of old men recorded while having their fingernails pulled out. Strategically placed because they ensure the sound is carried to room of every home in the vicinity to terrify countless toddlers.

I am not completely insensitive. I realize that you must carry out your religious duties when the time comes. But why does the time have to be when everyone is trying to sleep? It defeats the purpose of it since they’re all too groggy from lack of sleep to listen to your ranting. “Kept me awake all night” is not a good thing when applied to strange noises at night.

The heat only compounds your problem of annoying people to death. It is so hot at night that ceiling fans merely blow hot air at you. For most, this feels like being inside one of those gimmiky convection ovens with fans inside it. So when people are already cursing nature for pelting them with a heat wave akin to that which can be experienced if one were to make ones bed in a volcano, it is far from advisable to broadcast noises of a bunch of old men throatily singing what sounds like a song Miley Cyrus would write for the new Lion King movie.

Contrary to what I am sure you believe, this will only make them want to kill you. This is a mistake on the scale of poking a bear with a stick while coated from head to toe in honey.

If  the Bard were alive to experience this gift of faith you’ve thrust upon us he would say something along the lines of “My ears! This aural assault on my ears, it chisels away at my sanity! Woe are my senses, for I have cast such a curse upon them! It moketh me at every turn! Woe! Woe! Woe!” before sticking a screwdriver in his ears and dying.

So please, turn down the volume.

Thank you.


11 Responses to “An Open Letter to the Temple Near My House”

  1. 2 Delilah
    October 20, 2009 at 5:50 pm

    aw look at poor lil jewwy bewwy ranting away 😛

  2. 3 Chavie
    October 20, 2009 at 6:57 pm

    hahaha 😀

  3. October 20, 2009 at 7:09 pm

    😀 Dude I hear yeah. Apparently, there are 3 temples and the Zoo around my area.

  4. October 20, 2009 at 10:10 pm

    ROFL i literally burst out laughing at this one.. 😀 hilarious…

    “It moketh me at every turn! Woe! Woe! Woe!” before sticking a screwdriver in his ears and dying. haha.. priceless..

  5. October 21, 2009 at 5:59 pm

    Hmmm… Has stuff to say but I can’t remember. But now I know why Nazis were called Jerrys 😛

  6. October 21, 2009 at 8:00 pm

    Off topic: I seriously thought ASOB stands for A Son Of a Bitch. 🙂

    But cleared it now 🙂

  7. 10 Jack Point
    October 23, 2009 at 2:27 pm

    Every religious that I can think of here seems to go on the basis that effectiveness of prayer increases with volume.

    Would make for an interesting sociological study.

  8. 11 Whacko
    October 25, 2009 at 2:03 pm

    theres a new lion king movie?

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