11
Jan
10

Motherless: A Collection of Journal Entries

Day 1
This can’t be that hard. I’ve done it before, I’ll do it again.

Day 2
Besides, my sister and father are still here. Never mind the fact that my sister has to go to work.

Day 3
Breakfast wasn’t on the table when I woke up. Should try waking up later next time. Maybe 10:30 was too early.

Day 4
No lunch today. Had to go out and look for food. I think I can keep this up.

Day 5
I can’t keep this up. I’m going to die!

Day 6
I started looking for a cookbook today. Looked in all the logical places where books are kept. No success yet, going to try other places tomorrow. In other news, the good lady next door suddenly started bringing over lunch for me.

Day 7
Found cookbook. It was in the kitchen. I am totally gonna pwn these recipes.

Day 8
Woe is me, for I was greatly mistaken. My mind cannot grasp the intricacies of these strange concoctions which I am sure an alchemist would balk at creating. I cannot hope to even r3nt, let alone pwn these vile mixtures. If not for the kindness of the lady at of the house next to mine, I would starve.

Day 9
I have taken my search for food to the internet. I have located a chat room dedicated to cooking for young kids. I learnt a few tricks.

Day 10
Exciting day today! Met a strange person on the chat room claiming to be my neighbor; ”sparkle_eyes18” . ‘She’ claimed to like helping people on the internet. Even tried to chat me up. Hah. As if I’d fall prey to some internet pervert. Strangely, the person knew a few useful techniques for quick meals. All the better to lure little kids into his lair, probably. Anyway, this evening I received a message reading “You sound fun! Let’s meet. Your place?”. Not being able to take any more of this parasite, I furiously typed “Not a snowball’s chance in Colombo, creep. I’ve had enough of you and your endless murdering of the innocence of the children in that chat room. Stop preying on young kids and leave us good people be before I report you to the authorities, you hairy old beast!”

Needless to say I will be sleeping very soundly tonight, knowing I may have even saved a few lives.

Day 10
The neighbor didn’t bring over my lunch today. Hope everything’s okay.

Day 11
Terrible news. No free lunch today either. So I went out to buy some and bumped into the lady who lives next door. She gave me a dirty look. I asked her if everything was okay. She replied “I know what you said in that chatroom, boy”. I didn’t know how she found out, but I was glad that news of my good deed had spread.

So I said “Oh that was nothing, though I am a little proud of myself. Somebody had to do it, I guess”. This seemed to anger her, for some reason. “Proud of yourself are you?! I’ll give you something to be proud of you ungrateful cad,” and she hit me with her purse. So I fled the scene. As I was fleeing I heard her yell “I’ll teach you to make fun of my daughter you git!” and then what I think was “She forgot to shave the other day, she’s human too!”

Day 12
I dreamt of ponies last night. Ponies that had been tied to each limb of whoever made me so paranoid about people on the internet, and were instructed to scatter to the four corners of the earth. I’m surviving on water and whatever food I can find around the house. A bit of bread here, a piece of newspaper there. Note to self: Pick pages with the least ink in them.

Day 13
The edges of my vision are starting to go hazy. I see strange creatures in the extremeties.

Day 14
My house is turning into something like a Meth Lab. If I stay awake long enough I start seeing strange things, I feel like there’s plenty here that could get me killed and I’m not too keen on visitors anymore.

Day 15
Friends called today. They were worried because they hadn’t heard from me in a while. “We’re just worried man, we love you”. So I say “I love you too, in a bugger off and never see me again kind of way, man”.

Day 16
I had a dream that my sofa scrambled up the stairs in the middle of the night to try and smother me. I ended up sleeping on the roof. It was fun till the mosquitoes bit all over my parade.

Day 17
Dad took me to a hospital today. I knew he’d try something like this. He never understood. Never understood my pain. I played Eminem all the way there. When we got there I bit the doctor on the arm, kicked him in the crotch and ran away. Found an internet café that stays open nights.

Day 18
Everything’s made out of cushions, man. The world just doesn’t make sense any other way. You ride a platypus to work, make out with a park bench, it all fits in perfectly. Don’t you see the patterns? It’s staring you in the face like an old inkjet printer, looking at you with those big brown eyes going “Please refill my cartridges”. The beginning is neigh. I will paint the streets blue with participation trophies till the people understand what I preach. My sermon will not be denied. This is your life, and it’s ending one minute at a time. I’ll be back. Yippy ka ay, worthless excuse for a movie!

Fay 18
I really like hoe thisd cellphon battry taste/

3-9987 asdggase
ijibnjk; kjaegiage wuphuwn282[n 2n2

Day 2
Had a really weird dream last night. Recorded it in here. Not sure I’m gonna make it till mom gets back.

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19 Responses to “Motherless: A Collection of Journal Entries”


  1. 1 Dee
    January 11, 2010 at 8:56 am

    geez the drama. come over and i’ll feed you. 😀

  2. January 11, 2010 at 9:27 am

    sparkle eyes? LOL I suppose your own cooking is getting to you, did you invent a new kind of meth or something? 😀

  3. January 11, 2010 at 9:35 am

    sparkles_eyes? for some reason that name sounds familiar…

    but hilarious post, you pony dreamer 😛

  4. 7 Delilah
    January 11, 2010 at 10:02 am

    so errr… tell us more about you and the ponies 😛

  5. 8 Indy
    January 11, 2010 at 10:51 am

    Hmmm….so this is the scene in a motherless home is it? Interesting…gives me an evil idea!

  6. January 11, 2010 at 12:38 pm

    this is classic. 😀 lolol!

  7. 10 Whacko
    January 11, 2010 at 3:30 pm

    forage for roots and stuff. otherwise whats the point of living in a jungle

  8. 11 Chavie
    January 11, 2010 at 4:16 pm

    SPARKLE EYES!!! HAHAHAHA YOU REMEMBERED!!! 😀

    😉

    Good post man!

  9. 12 chathuraw
    January 11, 2010 at 8:38 pm

    Dramatic much? 😛

  10. 13 The End
    January 11, 2010 at 9:11 pm

    Good one kiddo 🙂

  11. January 11, 2010 at 9:53 pm

    You get better every time I read you!

  12. January 13, 2010 at 10:53 am

    LOL. seriously. come over to our place. we always have extra food coz my father worries we’d go hungry otherwise. come come 😀

  13. 16 m
    January 13, 2010 at 2:53 pm

    this is hilarious. good one. I used to do the something similar when I was studying in the US: I would speak to a female friend on the phone (who lived at home) just chewing the fat and sooner or later they would reach for something to eat – me:”so what are you eating”; her:” oh a little leftover/apple/cake etc.”; me:” oh that’s so mean I am watching every penny being a poor starving student 12,000 miles from home without anything in my fridge”; her: “oh i am so sorry would you like to come over for dinner today/tomorrow” and I would usually get a doggy bag to boot…by the sounds of the comments above you seemed to have struck a similar vain..

  14. January 19, 2010 at 4:49 pm

    Aha! So that was your grand scheme after all!
    I’ll think twice about inviting you over for a meal next time, you lazy bum! 😛

  15. January 20, 2010 at 10:23 pm

    Entry Fay 18 reminds me of Resident Evil 1! LOL!


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