I needed new jeans yesterday. No I am not getting fat. People just buy jeans you know? Pondering the wonders of modern social media and leveraging the knowledge of the masses so easily, I tweeted a question and checked twitter a few minutes later for the replies.

Nothing. My dreams of social media guru-dom shattered, I tweeted again, this time more desperate sounding to jump over the hordes of lolcat pictures that had taken prominence over my jean quest. After a while a few lazy replies rolled in. I was sent an email with a flyer about a sale at Crescat. I feverishly read the short text. Huge discounts! Name brand clothing! Names that didn’t sound suspiciously like actual good brands! Names that weren’t “Adibas”!

After getting there and a brief exchange with the salesperson who was breathing down my neck the whole time, I saw them!

Unfortunately for my shallow pockets, the original price of these jeans happened to be high enough so that the significantly reduced price was nearing the price of lesser name-brand jeans. Hiding my acute displeasure at this revelation, I continued to flip through the rack pretending to be interested in it all. The attendant continued to stare at me with a “I know you’re not going to buy anything, get out of here before I throw you in the pit with the lions you vermin” look. After a few seconds of browsing, I left, giving the attendant a “You’re wearing ‘Nikey’ shoes, you don’t get to do that to me!” look.

So naturally I headed off to the House of Fashions, the home ground of many a Sri Lankan looking for clothes but not wanting to pawn a kidney in the process of getting some. Or the plain cheap. I will leave it to you to decide which category I fit into.

In there, I was surrounded by a world of utter chaos. It was like Jurassic Park in there, except with clothes as people. Nay, it was like Sri Lanka in there, with clothes as free speech! I found my way up to the third floor where the men’s clothing was.

After nudging my way through a few fat old men and a few fat old ladies, I found the jeans. Okay jeans. Jeans with dubious sounding brands, but still jeans that didn’t look like they’d been through a bad 80’s music video. I was looking through the selection when I saw a middle aged woman staring at me. She smiled. I smiled back and thought “Now which pair evoked that reaction?” so that I could steadfastly avoid it. After picking a few to be on my shortlist, I took them and asked the nearest attendant where the fit-on room was. He said there wasn’t one. But how could this be? Was he just saying it because he thought jeans-customers didn’t deserve the fit on room?

Deeply hurt, I went back to the shelves and put back all but the pair which seemed least likely to get me laughed out of a public meeting. I held it against myself to check the length. The woman was still hovering around the men’s section. I ignore her and loosen the top button of my shirt as I was feeling stifled. I turn back to my jeans and the woman suddenly jumps in out of nowhere and lands on the baskets full of clothes in front of the shelves, and lies across it.

“Radish meh!” she says.

Fearing for my life and not wanting to forever be afraid of vegetables, I run away, clutching the pair of jeans to my chest and screaming repeatedly “It’s ravish! You’re old! Rape rape RAPE!”

I end up at the counter, breathless. Cycling to Galle wasn’t this daunting. I quickly pay and exit. And run half a mile to a bus stop far away from there.


And THAT, ladies and gentlemen, is why I am in possession of a pair of jeans that are just a little bit less comfortable than my usual size 32’s. Wonder if I should exchange it or just let it stretch or whatever it is clothes do as you wear them.

…most of it is fictitious, if you didn’t already realize that…


18 Responses to “Shopping”

  1. 1 Dee
    February 18, 2010 at 9:08 am

    u didn’t know they didn’t have fitting rooms? pah. amateur. -_-

  2. 2 Delilah
    February 18, 2010 at 9:10 am

    so you ARE getting fat. must be all those sweets. see this is what happens when you dont share porky 😛

  3. February 18, 2010 at 9:20 am

    Not too happy with the pair of jeans I got myself recently either… It’s so difficult to get a simple pair of jeans sans the horrible fading, tears, embroidery, crinkles and disgusting glitter!

  4. 5 Messy Mama
    February 18, 2010 at 9:28 am

    You can exchange at House of Fashion for anything else in the shop, does not have to be jeans. I think not having fit-on rooms is a racket. You buy clothes that do not fit you and/or do not suit you. Even if you can exchange they’ve already made the money and you end up with something you don’t really want. You can try P&A which is further down Duplication Road. Prices are reasonable, not crowded and there are fit-on rooms.

  5. February 18, 2010 at 9:50 am

    Aha! The Jester trudges into the belly of the shopping beasts and erm almost gets mauled by a cougar? THE HORROR!

    But you should get it exchanged, you wouldn’t want blood circulation cut off now do you?

  6. February 18, 2010 at 9:57 am

    You watch too much Cougar Town 😛

  7. February 18, 2010 at 10:45 am

    I once saw someone wearing Prado jeans.

  8. February 18, 2010 at 1:14 pm

    Awww jelly belly getting a little chunky?! Pauu 😀
    We totalleh bought your excuse for why your size 32 don’t fit anymore 😀

  9. February 18, 2010 at 3:50 pm

    I think I love halik. I’m sorry, but slapping his rear end at unawatuna just felt SO right.

    Also uh, any singles in and around colombo wanna cyber? Males only. Kthnx.

    Lol I hide behind bushes near boy’s schools.

  10. February 18, 2010 at 3:58 pm

    Wow Meg, who’d have thunk?? 😛

  11. 17 Chavie
    February 18, 2010 at 4:01 pm

    HAHAHAHA I hate buying clothes… 😐

  12. February 18, 2010 at 5:30 pm

    LOL @ TheUnsilent

    All these revelations, it’s too much I tell ya!!!!

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