I Have No Love for Touchscreen

I was in the market for a new phone recently. My current Nokia S40 device has me on my last strands of sanity. So anyway, as I was researching new phones to get, I was bombarded on all sides with touch-screen devices. As you might have gathered from my imaginative title, I am not a big fan of these. My experiences with touch screens have been, at best, fishy. The idea is only cool till you put it to real use. Like people jumping into convertibles. Its pretty hit-and miss. Sometimes you end up in your seat, sometimes you find yourself sodomized by a car.

Touchscreens are cool. That’s about it as far as I’m concerned. When you actually want to do something with it, I just automatically look for the slide-out keypad. I don’t want to lose ninety percent of my screen to the alphabet. I certainly do not want to press buttons on screen and cover up part of it with my hand when playing games either. Don’t even get me started on retarded motion sensing games. An accelerometer is only to be used as far as you can throw it. And that is not far.

As for clicking menu items and things, it’s kind of like a mini game where you punch something with your finger and hope for the best. By the time you’re a few levels deep, the difficulty is increased by items getting steadily smaller and your screen becoming a smudgy mess for fingerprints.

Using touchscreens is just something that sounds cool, like applying an even layer of butter on your household cat. It looks cool for a while but then after a while everything gets covered in grease and you’re afraid to touch your food.

And you wake up in the mornings with butter on your face.


I merely do not get why people want to grope and slide their fingers around the screen, all the while twisting and turning their device a multitude of different ways to get the keyboard the right way around. This is not helped by Apple releasing their new iPhone iterations and people automatically drooling after it. Releasing standard features years after everyone else has them is not funny anymore.

Resistive screens suck genitalia. Capacitive screens are kind of okay but still lack the appeal of buttons. I dread the day when all phones are touchscreens and people are treated like senior citizens and get oversized icons and minimal interfaces thrown at them. I fear the time when everyone on the street is clawing at their screens trying to look normal while doing it. Even when phones with adequate rainbows and unicorns under the hood appear on the market and run their interfaces with a higher framerate than a slideshow, I’ll be looking out for a slide-out qwerty.

Right now the absolute best quality touchscreen is wasted on a phone which thinks introducing features everyone else had for years is a big event. One of the coolest OS’s I’ve seen comes in a criminally fat phone. Even if these two ever came together through some heavenly intervention and a magical touchscreen that shoots lazers and writes great blog posts in two seconds falls into my hands, I’d look to god with puppy eyes and go “but you forgot the keyboard, homie”.

I do not want to wait for a fly to go away on its own accord for fear of swatting at it and hitting a few buttons on the screen.


33 Responses to “I Have No Love for Touchscreen”

  1. 1 T
    April 12, 2010 at 8:54 am

    For once we are in agreement gerald. I too have no love for touchscreens. Btw, your convertible metaphor is priceless.

    • April 12, 2010 at 12:35 pm

      What she said!

      It’s quite funny to see people sing the iPhone’s praises till they’re blue in the face and then swear at theirs ‘cos the touchscreen’s suddenly decided not to answer a call 😀 So maybe they should remain on the market, at least for our entertainment?

    • April 12, 2010 at 3:55 pm

      Yes, for once you are right. 😛

      As for iPhones, there is WAY TOO MUCH I have to say on those to fit in this comment box 😀

  2. April 12, 2010 at 9:06 am

    I actually like the Nokia 5800 touchscreen. The Chinese touchscreen phones are iffy at best.

    The touchscreen of Non-Chinese phones get some taking used to, but once you’ve got the hang of it, it’s quite easy to use. Yes, I find tweeting from my phone a bit of a nuisance, but considering how much of a non-event my life is, you can chuck that disadvantage out the window! 😛

    • April 12, 2010 at 4:01 pm

      A 5800 is what I’ve been spending hours with and not liking much :/

      The chinese ones are just halfhearted!

      As for twitter, what’s you ID? 😀

  3. April 12, 2010 at 9:26 am

    We all know you have pudgy fingers. In any case, the way to go is always with a slide out QWERTY. It’s the best and only option as far as I’m concerned. What’s the coolest OS you’ve seen? :/ The maemo?

  4. April 12, 2010 at 10:32 am

    eeeeya !!! what was that about the cat and butter????

  5. 10 Cadence
    April 12, 2010 at 10:54 am

    Touch screens are not for our SL humid climate. I am in agreement all the way. One thing though, it does look quite sexy.

    E71 or the E72 are pretty good models. Large screens, good for browsing and typing out stuff.

  6. April 12, 2010 at 1:44 pm

    Finally, a man after my own heart! 😀

  7. 14 sabbyaz
    April 12, 2010 at 2:46 pm

    Gerald, what do you do to your cat?!

  8. 16 Chavie
    April 12, 2010 at 7:32 pm

    I wish they’d make something affordable with a qwerty keypad and running on Android… SOON! 😐

  9. April 12, 2010 at 8:10 pm

    YES! A sub $300 device that doesn’t have a fancy camera, but has decent connectivity. Sadly, device manufacturers shunned the idea when I proposed it to them.

  10. 21 maf
    April 13, 2010 at 10:24 am

    and to think i was going to offer you an iphone 3G for free when i read of your nokia plight…heathen. let’s see what happens when you see the first ipad..

    btw good posts – you generally have me cracking a knowing smile..

  11. April 13, 2010 at 11:31 am

    > Like people jumping into convertibles. Its pretty hit-and miss. Sometimes you end up in your seat, sometimes you find yourself sodomized by a car.

    That was so funny 🙂

  12. April 13, 2010 at 7:39 pm


    Spreading the hate.

  13. April 17, 2010 at 10:45 pm

    Lmao! I couldn’t stop laughing 😀 Referred this to a friend, and I think he’ll love it.

  14. 29 Mia
    April 18, 2010 at 3:22 pm

    Hello Jerry 🙂 How are you? Hope you are keeping well and happy. What are you doing with your life now that you have finished school?

  15. 31 Tim Aries
    March 16, 2012 at 5:10 pm

    Just found out your blog and it made my day!
    Btw, surfed all the posts here, love them, especially this one :p

  16. 32 chathuraw
    December 12, 2012 at 10:45 am

    HAHAHAHAHA. How do you feel about touchscreens now, Gerald?

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