A Series of Unfortunate Events

These past few days have been very strange. I’ve had a greater than average number of situations I would rather not have been in. I’m not sure if I’ve gotten more prone to this kind of thing or whether it’s just my imagination. Or possibly Airtel sending me a subtle message. Even that volcano, Ehjaasdafadasdgaeg, is somehow connected I think. When a butterfly flaps its wings, my friends. As for the name, I have a hunch that’s how the Icelanders defend themselves. Enemies just go “And now on to invade Reyk-ja-hansk-urg hhh…. Hmmm.” And ignore it and head to France instead.

So anyway, life has been weird.

Take last week for example. I had just gotten on a bus to head to work one morning. After five minutes a woman holding an infant gets on. And of course she has to head straight towards me. And within about two seconds all my mind is thinking is:

“Will she move on? Why is she standing next to me? Will she not move on if I turn my head to see if she’s still standing there? Why is she still standing there?! Dammit I shouldn’t have turned my head!”

And then I get up and she takes my seat.

After a while I decide to do my morning rounds on the internet. I pull out my phone and hold it sideways while Opera Mini loads in landscape mode. I call up twitter. After a while my focus drifts beyond the distance I’m holding my phone at, and onto the woman-who-took-my-seat’s face. For some unfathomable reason she’s scowling at me.

Then two things happen. I notice that she was all set to breast-feed her kid, and that my phone was held by me in such a position that it was pointing at her and also held sideways, as if I were taking a picture.

So like a deer caught in the glare of her headl- … Like a rabbit watching an oncoming train, I just stared at her. Terrified.

After what seemed like an eternity of this, I swung my phone up and tried to hold it in such a fashion that at least three people standing next to me could see that I was merely creepily going through what people were doing right after they wake up instead of twitpic’ing this stuff to a sex-ed class.

Suffice to say I got out of that bus alive. Just barely.

So there was that. Then there was this other thing where I threw forward my sexist-yet-lovable personality at a prospective client. I was at campus with a bunch of friends and she was going on about how “her ideal man” would be “like a good suit. Complements and makes you look good, and preferably goes with your shoes”. So I told her an ideal woman would be “like a good backpack. Holds stuff, is comfortable and most of all, doesn’t recite retarded analogies”.

After many a look that felt like rubbing my elbows in gravel, the conversation got round to how she’s looking to hire a freelancer. She hasn’t contacted me yet.

It’s not even just with other people. I came home two days ago to a pot full of boiled eggs in some kind of curry thing. It had beans in it too. I like beans. So I grabbed a piece of naan and dipped straight into the pot, and walked off munching what I thought was a bunch of egg and bean goodness. After a mere three steps I realized the urgent burning sensation in my tongue that was quickly spreading to the rest of my mouth couldn’t just be beans. I mean, who puts beans in with boiled eggs anyway?

So yeah. I’m being extra cautious these days. It seems like every situation I get find myself in is tailored to give me mental anguish. I should just stay home.

12 Responses to “A Series of Unfortunate Events”

  1. 1 chathuraw
    April 26, 2010 at 9:20 am

    HAHAHAHA 😀 You tried to take a pic of a woman breast-feeding her child? You sick pervert! 😛

  2. April 26, 2010 at 9:24 am

    So… if it wasn’t beans, what was it?

  3. April 26, 2010 at 9:37 am

    You Perv. 😛 😆 So we should start calling you Lemony Snicket now is it? 😆

  4. April 26, 2010 at 3:43 pm

    Why is this catergorized under filler?!
    And you are the only person I know who is able to go through mental anguish even while at home! 😀

  5. April 27, 2010 at 12:21 pm

    I love this place. No matter what’s happening, you can always get a laugh here, even if it is at your expense 😀 Actually, it is mostly at your expense, so 😀 😀

    And you couldn’t figure out the difference between green chillies and beans? Haha- namby pamby LOSER! 😛

  6. April 27, 2010 at 12:29 pm

    backpack analogy is lamer 🙂 and you cant eat a green chillie? sissy.

  7. 10 frangipaniii
    April 30, 2010 at 10:09 am

    Perhaps its the weather! Change in atmospheric wavelengths kinda thing. But totally with you, when you say weird stuff happening!! Weird stuff ARE happening! 😦

  8. 11 Chavie
    May 1, 2010 at 3:12 am

    This is why I never take out a phone in a bus, especially if I’m standing! 😐

  9. May 7, 2010 at 1:50 am

    Chille is not that bad…

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