17
Jun
10

The Beard Has To Go

I’ve been doing a lot of soul-searching about the beard lately. And by soul-searching I mean being pissed off when it feels like any surface I rest my chin on is made of grated plastic. It’s infuriating. The thing actually retains water. Whenever I wash my face I feel like I’ve hung a little weight on my jaw.

It’s getting to be almost as annoying as those pants which have buttons in place of a zipper, like some kind of infernal puzzle game you have to play when you’re rushing to get your business done. I’ll bet a woman designed those.

But above all, it’s the feeling all this fuzz leaves on my face. Now I know what a mountain feels like. Or pretty much any wooded area. Except this feels like it moves. It feels strangely like a flurry of ants walking about my mouth, dragging their feet as they go. Maybe it’s some Mecca-like place for ants.

It makes me feel like a goat. I may stroke the thing lovingly every now and then but occasionally it makes me want to eat election posters stuck on walls.

Excuse me now as I go consume my morning course of Alfalfa.

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12 Responses to “The Beard Has To Go”


  1. June 17, 2010 at 9:01 am

    That’s three posts about your beard.
    Clearly you should have listened to me a long time ago.
    And you probably DO have ants in there, come to pick on the crumbs of food left behind too 😀

  2. 2 Chavie
    June 17, 2010 at 9:47 am

    Yeah, they do retain water… but man after it grows to a certain length, it has this smooth texture and running your hand through your beard feels just as awesome as running your hand through your hair! 😀

  3. 7 chathuraw
    June 17, 2010 at 10:03 am

    Hmm.. I always trim after it grows to a certain length though. When its too long it gets itchy. Yeah the water retaining part is true. But you get used to wiping the beard separately! 😀

  4. June 17, 2010 at 10:56 am

    oh no. your face is going to be out there again.

  5. 9 O_O
    June 17, 2010 at 11:45 am

    Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth, upon this continent, a new nation, conceived in liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that “all men are created equal”

    vs

    It makes me feel like a goat. I may stroke the thing lovingly every now and then but occasionally it makes me want to eat election posters stuck on walls.

  6. June 17, 2010 at 12:35 pm

    Men are supposed to grow facial hair, thats why it grows. it’s defined by nature. 😀
    I agree with Chavie.

    Cheers!

  7. 12 Whacko
    June 18, 2010 at 5:26 pm

    it takes a real man to handle a beard :p clearly you’re not real enough


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