Archive for the 'ban' Category


The Woes of a Mainstream Music Fan

Sri Lanka is quite fun to be in. But as we saw recently, sometimes it can just be plain insane. This is a chronicle of the series of events that transpire when some popular entertainer decides to come down here. Note that no, the guy who did plan to come here is not my favorite artist. Sheesh.

Day 1: “AWESOME! My favorite band is coming down to play here! Never thought this country would ever get  a popular musician to come down”

Day 2: “Tickets are expensive”

Day 3: “Better start collecting”

These few days are pure bliss, where you just keep imagining yourself in front of the stage, yelling till your throat hurts. The only weather your parade experiences being slight rain in the form of hordes of music Nazis going on about how the performer coming over is singlehandedly killing music and how auto-tune gives baby goats cancer. Music of any sort other than their preference will be dismissed as “fake”, like their fans, ha ha. They will then laugh all over themselves.

But your spirit will not be swayed by a bunch of teens in raccoon make-up! You persevere and bide the days till your concert takes place. You know that nothing short of some retarded series of events taking place can stop it from happening.

Day 6: A retarded series of events happens.

Day 7: “Maybe the show’ll still happen. After all, the disturbance is just by a few people who are upset over there being a single frame in which a an alligator’s tooth looks kind of like a religious idol if it were to be held upside down in the sunlight at about 3pm.”

And so the “uproar” starts, allegedly the whole nation is outraged by the blatant disrespect for our culture. Apparently Akon videos are not played to a wider audience than this concert could ever hope to reach. Apparently people sit at home staring at the ground and meditating to Amaradheva all day for fear of seeing something shameful.

But wait! nobody you know has actually met anyone who has a problem with it. The leading voices of the opposition’s masses seem like dozens.

Day 8: *Bad News* *pain* *More Bad News* *despair*

Day 9: Watch a few videos on youtube.


New Morality

Please note that sign ups are on for anyone wishing to join the Morality Police. The leadership has realized that to get people to act morally and ‘properly’, mere banning of despicable western pollutants such as pornography and mobile phones is not enough. Parents cannot be given the great burden of bringing up children who are not sexually frustrated, rapist-in-waiting social deviants, and as such it is up to the state to impose rules and regulations. Further, romance is to be outlawed, as it is immoral and against our culture to fall in love. Anything that is found to be aiding and abetting such frivolous activities such as late night phone calls are to be banned. Mobile packages aimed at couples fall into such a category. So do park benches and secluded places. The leadership also hopes to make telephone networks only work during office hours, as mobile usage after these productive hours has been found to be, in certain cases, for communication between a male and a female who do not have any shared business interest and are not related. There will also be random surveillance on phone lines to catch out any same sex ‘relationships’. There are also plans to introduce new laws through which all interactions between a male and a female will be overseen by the newly instituted Morality Police.

In more great news, the leadership is happy to announce the inclusion of the newest member into it’s ranks of Prudish Soccer Moms, Mrs. Primitive Thinking. She was ushered in by senior members Mrs. Knee-Jerk Reactions and Miss. Utter Stupidity. The new membership has been approved by the board of WAAD(We Are All Doomed).

The newly appointed Secretary for Suicide Prevention is also doing well. After only a slight setback when he tried to ban suicide, and learned it was illegal, he has again set himself on the right path by visiting select “Likely Suicide Case” schools and delivering fantastic speeches. An excerpt is below.

…this suicide is nothing new. You all might think it is the “in” thing to do and all, all the cool kids are doing it and everything, but no. Suicide has been around for a long time. Sure you might want to try it out maybe, see what it’s like. Go home and tell your parents to vote for me and I will let you experience all the suicide you want! It is every students right to experience school life to the fullest! I will not rest…

As for those dissenters who claim we do not have the authority or the right to make these decisions for you, it is for your own good. It is for your child’s own good. If you have any questions, please write to us, or alternately, write a letter, mail it to yourself and then shred it up when you receive it. Both accomplish more or less the same thing. At least the second way you will receive something.

Thank you for bearing with us in these troubled, immorality rife times and we sincerely hope you have a pleasant ride with us back into 15th century England.

P.S. – Laws have been drafted for prevention of ‘self inflicted immorality’, rudely known as wanking. It has been found that removal of certain organs is the only path to salvation.

Sub Post : Refreshing.

Why do people keep hitting refresh on their desktops? I saw this twice recently. Both were people who work with computers and should know better. First was at an internet cafe near where I work. Needed a printout and the printer was out of ink so I headed there. The CD I gave him with the files was taking a while to read so he went back to his desktop and kept right click>refreshing. As if the CD would magically improve by way of him doing that. It’s refresh, not ‘fix all your problems’. Then again when I went to get my CV printed, the woman at the PC kept doing it while my thumbdrive was being scanned for viruses. To speed it up maybe. People who use it probably go to their computers and keep refreshing when stuff like domestic problems crop up. Wife: “I want a divorce! waah!”. Hubby: *Goes and refreshes his desktop*. Microsoft Windows has an ace hidden up it’s virtual sleeve folks. Not to be outdone by other OS’s offering mere security, they have gone the whole hog and added a fix-anything feature. Viruses? Refresh! Fire in the building? Refresh! Trolls in the house? Refresh! Refresh refresh refresh!


Stupid, STUPID!

THIS is why there should be a screening process before they let you use the internet.

Off the comments for the Macbook Wheel video from the onion, on YouTube. You know the world’s screwed up when linux users start being like polymethasdg;lsahgas up there.


Surveillance cam’s in School

Big Brother is Watching.

First the metal detectors, now this. Yup, They’re going to fix cameras all over the place. Sometime soon, I think, Because they’ve already fixed the wires and stuff. I might even be captured by one next Monday…

WHY??? Are we that dangerous? When was the last time there was a report of even a pocket knife in a school? I doubt many of the students have even seen a gun, let alone posses one. If this was America or someplace, then fine, but here?

Okay, say it isn’t about security. What if it’s for enforcing discipline? Do we need to go that far to get students to stay in class during school hours? Would not that money be better spent on something like, say, renovating classes? Even if the students WERE so unruly as to require constant vigilance on the part of the administration, surveillance like this would completely ruin the fun that is school. Pretty soon our parents will stop saying “Enjoy your school years, they’re the best you’ll get”. I don’t think even prisons here have surveillance yet…

Where’s the fun in letting out the air from a particularly despised teachers car tire when you’ll be shown photographic evidence of your crime the next day? Or of stealthily avoiding the rector only to be caught on tape?

Good thing I’m only here till next August. I just hope the younger students are able to make the best of it…


Why is stuff banned in school?

Why are CD’s DVD’s and the like banned in schools? I mean, people who really want to bring something can get anything in, despite all the bag-checking as you enter and the random class checks.

What’s the big issue? I mean, in school, it’s just a piece of plastic for crying out loud! What harm could it do? Are there any teachers or principals reading this? If so, PLEASE, provide an answer. Is it just your duty to make our few years of fun as miserable as possible? Is there some separate bag search class in teacher training school or wherever? I can just imagine, “Get those pockets! Make sure you check the lunch!”… Is it and issue of national security? If so, pardon me because I didn’t know a cheese sandwich could cause genocide, or maybe it was the plague carried in the cologne spray.

Another thing : correction fluid, or commonly know as TippEx. What the hell? Why is this harmless article of great correctional value not allowed? Maybe they’re an endangered species… Or maybe it’s just a conspiracy by the Teachers Guild to take over the world and correctional fluid is their only weakness! Hah! See if I’m ever entering school without my trusty tipex in my sock again!

By the way, being the totally cool person I am, ;-), I can get practically anything into school, and being in the 13th grade really helps!